
Class. 
Book. 



THE UNIFORM EDITION OF 
THE PLAYS OF J. M. BARRIE 



%r 



QUALITY STREET 



THE WORKS OF J. M. BARRIE. 



NOVELS, STORIES, AND SKETCHES. 
Uniform Edition. 

AULD LICHT IDYLLS. BETTER DEAD. 

WHEN A MAPI'S SINGLE. 

A WINDOW IN THRUMS. AN EDINBURGH 

ELEVEN. 
THE LITTLE MINISTER. 
SENTIMENTAL TOMMY. 

MY LADY NICOTINE, MARGARET OGILVY. 
TOMMY AND GRIZEL. 
THE LITTLE WHITE BIRD. 
PETER AND WENDY. 
Also 

HALF HOURS, DER TAG. 
ECHOES OF WAR. 

PLA YS. 
Uniform Edition. 
ALICE SIT-BY-THE-FERE. 
WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS. 
QUALITY STREET. 
THE ADMHtABLE CRICHTON. 
ECHOES OF THE WAR. 

Containing: THE OLD LADY SHOWS HER 
MEDALS — THE NEW WORD — BAR- 
BARA'S WEDDING — A WELL-REMEM- 
BERED VOICE. 
HALF HOURS. 

Containing: PANTALOON— THE TWELVE- 
POUND LOOK— ROSALIND— THE WILL. 

Others in Preparation. 
INDIVIDUAL EDITIONS. 

PETER PAN IN KENSINGTON GARDENS. 

Illustrated by Arthur Rackham. 
PETER AND WENDY. 

Illustrated by F. D. Bedford. 
TOMMY AND GRIZEL. 

Illustrated by Bernard Partridge. 
MARGARET OGILVY. 

A WINDOW IN THRUMS. Cameo Edition. 
DER TAG. 

*% For particulars concerning The Thistle 
Edition of the Works of J. M. Barbie, sold only 
by subscription, send for circular. 

NEW YORK: CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS 



THE PLAYS OF 
J. M. BARRIE 



QUALITY STREET 



A COMEDY 



CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS 

NEW YORK ::::::::: 1920 



-pft^V 



o 



nA- 






2° 



Copyright, 1918, bt 
J. M. BARRIE 



All rights reserved under the International Copyright Act. 
Performance forbidden and right of representation reserved. 
Application for the right of performing this play must be 
made to Charles Frohman, Inc., Empire Theatre, New York. 







ACT I 



ACT I 

THE BLUE AND WHITE ROOM 

The scene is tfie blue and white room in the house of 
the Misses Susan and PJioebe Throssel in Quality 
Street ; and in this little country town there is a 
satisfaction about living in Quality Street which even 
religion cannot give. Through the bowed window 
at the back we have a glimpse of the street. It is 
pleasantly broad and grass-grown, and is linked to 
the outer world by one demure shop, whose door 
rings a bell every time it opens and shuts. Thus by 
merely peeping, every one in Quality Street can know 
at once who has been buying a Whimsy cake, and 
usually why. This bell is the most familiar sound 
of Quality Street. Noio and again ladies pass in 
their pattens, a maid perhaps protecting them with an 
umbrella, for flakes of snow are falling discreetly. 
Gentlemen in the street are an event ; but, see, just 
as we raise the curtain, there goes the recruiting 
sergeant to remind us that we are in the period of the 
Napoleonic wars. If he were to look in at the window 



4 QUALITY STREET [act 

of the blue and white room all the ladies there as- 
sembled woidd draw themselves up ; they know him 
for a rude fellow zvho smiles at the approach of maiden 
ladies and continues to smile after they have passed. 
However, he lowers his head to-day so that they shall 
not see him, his present design being converse with the 
Misses ThrosseVs maid. 

The room is one seldom profaned by the foot of 
man, and everything in it is white or blue. Miss 
Phoebe is not present, but here are Miss Susan, Miss 
Willoughby and her sister Miss Fanny, and Miss 
Henrietta Turnbull. Miss Susan and Miss 
Willoughby, alas, already wear caps ; but all the 
four are dear ladies, so refined that we ought not to 
be discussing them wiifwut a more formal introduc- 
tion. There seems no sufficient reason why we should 
choose Miss Phoebe as our heroine rather than any 
one of the others, except, perhaps, that we like her 
name best. But we gave her the name, so we must 
support our choice and say that she is slightly the 
nicest, unless, indeed, Miss Susan is nicer. 

Miss Fanny is reading aloud from a library book 
while the otliers sew or knit. They are making 
garments for our brave soldiers now far away fighting 
the Corsican Ogre. 



I.] QUALITY STREET 5 

miss fanny. '. . . And so the day passed 
and evening came, black, mysterious, and 
ghost-like. The wind moaned unceasingly like 
a shivering spirit, and the vegetation rustled 
uneasily as if something weird and terrifying 
were about to happen. Suddenly out of the 
darkness there emerged a Man. 

(She says the last word tremulously but 

without looking up. The listeners knit 

more quickly.) 

The unhappy Camilla was standing lost in 

reverie when, without pausing to advertise her 

of his intentions, he took both her hands in his. 

(By this time the knitting has stopped, 

and all are listening as if mesmerised.) 

Slowly he gathered her in his arms 

(miss susan gives an excited little cry.) 

miss fanny. And rained hot, burning ' 

miss willoughby. Sister ! 

miss fanny (greedily) . ' On eyes, mouth ' 

miss willoughby (sternly). Stop. Miss 
Susan, I am indeed surprised you should bring 
such an amazing, indelicate tale from the 
library. 



6 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss susan {with a slight shudder). I deeply 

regret, Miss Willoughby (Sees miss fanny 

reading quickly to herself.) Oh, Fanny ! If you 
please, my dear. 

(Takes the book gently from Jier.) 

miss willoughby. I thank you. 
(She knits severely.) 

miss fanny (a little rebel). Miss Susan is 
looking at the end. 

(miss susan closes the book guiltily.) 

miss susan (apologetically) . Forgive my par- 
tiality for romance, Mary. I fear 'tis the mark 
of an old maid. 

miss willoughby. Susan, that word ! 

miss susan (sweetly) . 'Tis what I am. And 
you also, Mary, my dear. 

miss fanny (defending her sister). Miss Susan, 
I protest. 

miss willoughby (sternly truthful). Nay, 
sister, 'tis true. We are known everywhere 
now, Susan, you and I, as the old maids of 
Quality Street. (General discomfort.) 

miss susan. I am happy Phoebe will not 
be an old maid. 



i.] QUALITY STREET 7 

miss Henrietta (ivistfully) . Do you refer, 
Miss Susan, to V. B. ? 

(miss susan smiles happily to herself.) 
miss susan. Miss Phoebe of the ringlets as 
he has called her. 

miss fanny. Other females besides Miss 
Phoebe have ringlets. 

miss susan. But you and Miss Henrietta 
have to employ papers, my dear. (Proudly) 
Phoebe, never. 

miss willoughby (in defence of fanny). I 
do not approve of Miss Phoebe at all. 

miss susan (flushing). Mary, had Phoebe 
been dying you would have called her an angel, 
but that is ever the way. 'Tis all jealousy 
to the bride and good wishes to the corpse. 
(Her guests rise, hurt.) My love, I beg your 
pardon. 

miss willoughby. With your permission, 
Miss Susan, I shall put on my pattens. 

(miss susan gives permission almost 
haughtily, and the ladies retire to the 
bedroom, miss fanny remaining behind 
a moment to ask a question.) 



8 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss fanny. A bride ? Miss Susan, do you 
mean that V. B. has declared? 

miss susan. Fanny, I expect it hourly. 

(miss susan, left alone, is agitated by the 
terrible scene with miss willoughby.) 
(Enter phoebe in her bonnet, and we see 
at once that she really is the nicest.' She 
is so flushed with delightful news that she 
almost forgets to take off her pattens before 
crossing the blue and white room.) 
miss susan. You seem strangely excited, 
Phoebe. 

phoebe. Susan, I have met a certain 
individual. 

miss susan. V. B. ? (phoebe nods several 
times, and her gleaming eyes tell miss susan as 
much as if they were a romance from the library.) 
My dear, you are trembling. 
phoebe (Jbravely). No — oh no. 
miss susan. You put your hand to your heart. 
phoebe. Did I ? 

miss susan (in a whisper). My love, has he 
offered ? 

phoebe (appalled). Oh, Susan. 



i] QUALITY STREET 9 

{Enter miss willoughby, partly cloaked.) 

miss willoughby. How do you do, Miss 
Phoebe. (Portentously) Susan, I have no wish 
to alarm you, but I am of opinion that there is 
a man in the house. I suddenly felt it while 
putting on my pattens. 

miss susan. You mean — a follower — in the 

kitchen ? (She courageously rings the bell, but her 

voice falters.) I am just a little afraid of Patty. 

(Enter patty, a buxom young woman, who 

loves her mistresses and smiles at them, and 

knows Jww to terrorise them.) 

Patty, I hope we may not hurt your feelings, 
but 

patty (sternly) . Are you implicating, ma'am, 
that I have a follower ? 

miss susan. Oh no, Patty. 

patty. So be it. 

miss susan (ashamed). Patty, come back, 
(Humbly) I told a falsehood just now; I am 
ashamed of myself. 

patty (severely). As well you might he, 
ma'am. 

phoebe (so roused that she would look heroic if 



10 QUALITY STREET [act 

she did not spoil the effect by wagging her finger 
at patty). How dare you. There is a man in 
the kitchen. To the door with him. 

patty. A glorious soldier to be so treated ! 

piioebe. The door. 

patty. And if he refuses ? 
{They looked perplexed.) 

miss susan. Oh dear ! 

phoebe. If he refuses send him here to me. 

{Exit PATTY.) 

miss susan. Lion-hearted Phoebe. 
miss willoughby. A soldier ? {Nervously) 
I wish it may not be that impertinent re- 
cruiting sergeant. I passed him in the street 
to-day. He closed one of his eyes at me and 
then quickly opened it. I knew what he 
meant. 
phoebe. He does not come. 
miss susan. I think I hear their voices in 
dispute. 

. {She is listening throtigh the floor. They 
all stoop or go on their knees to listen, and 
when they are in this position the recruit- 
ing sergeant enters unobserved. He 



i.) QUALITY STREET 11 

chuckles aloicd. In a moment phoebe is 
alone with him.) 

sergeant (with an Irish accent). Your 
servant, ma'am. 

phoebe (advancing sternly on him). Sir — 
(She is perplexed, as he seems undismayed.) 

Sergeant (She sees mud from his boots on 

the carpet.) Oh ! oh ! (Brushes carpet.) Ser- 
geant, I am wishful to scold you, but would 
you be so obliging as to stand on this paper 
while I do it ? 

sergeant. With all the pleasure in life, 
ma'am. 

phoebe (forgetting to be angry). Sergeant, 
have you killed people ? 

sergeant. Dozens, ma'am, dozens. 

phoebe. How terrible. Oh, sir, I pray 
every night that the Lord in His loving-kind- 
ness will root the enemy up. Is it true that 
the Corsican Ogre eats babies ? 

sergeant. I have spoken with them as 
have seen him do it, ma'am. 

phoebe. The Man of Sin. Have you ever 
seen a vivandiere, sir? (Wistfully) I have 



12 QUALITY STREET [act 

sometimes wished there were vivandieres in 
the British Army. (For a moment she sees her- 
self as one.) Oh, Sergeant, a shudder goes 
through me when I see you in the streets enticing 
those poor young men. 

sergeant. If you were one of them, ma'am, 
and death or glory was the call, you would take 
the shilling, ma'am. 

phoebe. Oh, not for that. 

sergeant. For King and Country, ma'am ? 

phoebe (grandly). Yes, yes, for that. 

sergeant (candidly). Not that it is all fight- 
ing. The sack of captured towns — the loot. 

phoebe (proudly). An English soldier never 
sacks nor loots. 

sergeant. No, ma'am. And then — the 
girls. 

phoebe. What girls ? 

sergeant. In the towns that — that we 
don't sack. 

phoebe. How they must hate the haughty 
conqueror. 

sergeant. We are not so haughty as all 
that. 



i.] QUALITY STREET 13 

phoebe {sadly). I think I understand. I 
am afraid, Sergeant, you do not tell those poor 
young men the noble things I thought you 
told them. 

sergeant. Ma'am, I must e'en tell them 
what they are wishful to hear. There ha' been 
five, ma'am, all this week, listening to me and 
then showing me their heels, but by a grand 
stroke of luck I have them at last. 

phoebe. Luck ? 

(miss susan opens door slightly and 
listens.) 

sergeant. The luck, ma'am, is that a 
gentleman of the town has enlisted. That gave 
them the push forward. 

(miss susan is excited.) 

phoebe. A gentleman of this town enlisted ? 
{Eagerly) Sergeant, who? 

sergeant. Nay, ma'am, I think it be a 
secret as yet. 

phoebe. But a gentleman ! 'Tis the 
most amazing, exciting thing. Sergeant, be so 
obliging. 

sergeant. Nay, ma'am, I can't. 



14 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss susan (at door, carried away by excite- 
ment). But you must, you must ! 

sergeant (turning to the door). You see, 

ma'am 

(The door is hurriedly closed.) 
phoebe (ashamed). Sergeant, I have not 
been saying the things I meant to say to you. 
Will you please excuse my turning you out of 
the house somewhat violently. 

sergeant. I am used to it, ma'am. 
phoebe. I won't really hurt you. 
sergeant. Thank you kindly, ma'am. 
phoebe (observing the bedroom door opening a 
little, and speaking in a loud voice). I protest, 
sir; we shall permit no followers in this house. 
Should I discover you in my kitchen again I 
shall pitch you out — neck and crop. Begone, sir, 
(The sergeant retires affably. All the 
ladies except miss Henrietta come out, 
admiring phoebe. The willoughbys 
are attired for their journey across the 
street.) 
miss willoughby. Miss Phoebe, we could 
not but admire you. 



i.] QUALITY STREET 15 

(phoebe, alas, knows that she is not 
admirable.) 
phoebe. But the gentleman recruit ? 
miss susan. Perhaps they will know who 
he is at the woollen-drapers. 
miss fanny. Let us inquire. 

{But before they go miss willoughby 
has a duty to perform.) 
miss willoughby. I wish to apologise. Miss 
Phoebe, you are a dear, good girl. If I have 
made remarks about her ringlets, Susan, it 
was jealousy, (phoebe and miss susan wish 
to embrace her, but she is not in the mood for it.) 
Come, sister. 

miss fanny (the dear woman that she is). 
Phoebe, dear, I wish you very happy. 
(phoebe presses her hand.) 
miss Henrietta (entering, and not to be out- 
done). Miss Phoebe, I give you joy. 

(The three ladies go, the two younger ones 
a little tearfully, and we see them pass the 
window.) 
phoebe (pained). Susan, you have been 
talking to them about V. B. 



16 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss susan. I could not help »t. {Eagerly) 
Now, Phoebe, what is it you have to tell me ? 

phoebe {in a low voice). Dear, I think it is 
too holy to speak of. 

miss susan. To your sister ? 

phoebe. Susan, as you know, I was sitting 
with an unhappy woman whose husband has 
fallen in the war. When I came out of the 
cottage he was passing. 

miss susan. Yes ? 

phoebe. He offered me his escort. At first 
he was very silent — as he has often been of late. 

miss susan. We know why. 

phoebe. Please not to say that I know 
why. Suddenly he stopped and swung his 
cane. You know how gallantly he swings his 
cane. 

miss susan. Yes, indeed. 

phoebe. He said: 'I have something I am 
wishful to tell you, Miss Phoebe; perhaps you 
can guess what it is.' 

miss susan. Go on ! 

phoebe. To say I could guess, sister, would 
have been unladylike. I said: 'Please not to 



i.] QUALITY STREET 17 

tell me in the public thoroughfare'; to which 
he instantly replied: 'Then I shall call and 
tell you this afternoon.' 
miss susan. Phoebe ! 

{They are interrupted by the entrance of 
patty with tea. They see that she has 
brought three cups, and know that this is 
her impertinent way of implying thai 
mistresses, as ivell as maids, may have a 
' follower. ,' When she has gone they smile 
at the daring of the woman, and sit doicn 
to tea.) 
phoebe. Susan, to think that it has all 
happened in a single year. 

miss susan. Such a genteel competency as 
he can offer; such a desirable establishment. 

phoebe. I had no thought of that, dear. I 
was recalling our first meeting at Mrs. Fother- 
ingay's quadrille party. 

miss susan. We had quite forgotten that our 
respected local physician was growing elderly. 

phoebe. Until he said: 'Allow me to 

present my new partner, Mr. Valentine Brown.' 

miss susan. Phoebe, do you remember how 



18 QUALITY STREET [act 

at the tea-table he facetiously passed the cake- 
basket with nothing in it ! 

phoebe. He was so amusing from the first. 
I am thankful, Susan, that I too have a sense 
of humour. I am exceedingly funny at times; 
am I not, Susan? 

miss susan. Yes, indeed. But he sees 
humour in the most unexpected things. I 
say something so ordinary about loving, for 
instance, to have everything either blue or 
white in this room, and I know not why he 
laughs, but it makes me feel quite witty. 

phoebe (a little anxiously). I hope he sees 
nothing odd or quaint about us. 

miss susan. My dear, I am sure he cannot. 

phoebe. Susan, the picnics. 

miss susan. Phoebe, the day when he first 
drank tea in this house. 

phoebe. He invited himself. 

miss susan. He merely laughed when I 
said it would cause such talk. 

phoebe. He is absolutely fearless. Susan, 
he has smoked his pipe in this room. 
{They are both a little scared.) 



I.] QUALITY STREET 19 

miss susan. Smoking is indeed a dreadful 
habit. 

phoebe. But there is something so dashing 
about it. 

miss susan (with melancholy). And now I 
am to be left alone. 

PHOEBE. No. 

miss susan. My dear, I could not leave this 
room. My lovely blue and white room. It is 
my husband. 

phoebe (who has become agitated). Susan, 
you must make my house your home. I have 
something distressing to tell you. 

miss susan. You alarm me. 

phoebe. You know Mr. Brown advised us 
how to invest half of our money. 

miss susan. I know it gives us eight per 
cent., though why it should do so I cannot 
understand, but very obliging, I am sure. 

phoebe. Susan, all that money is lost; I 
had the letter several days ago. 

miss susan. Lost ? 

phoebe. Something burst, dear, and then 
they absconded. 



20 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss susan. But Mr. Brown 

phoebe. I have not advertised him of it 
yet, for he will think it was his fault. But I 
shall tell him to-day. 

miss susan. Phoebe, how much have we left ? 

phoebe. Only sixty pounds a year, so you 
see you must live with us, dearest. 

miss susan. But Mr. Brown — he 

phoebe {grandly). He is a man of means, 
and if he is not proud to have my Susan I shall 
say at once: 'Mr. Brown — the door.' 

(She presses her cheek to miss susan's.) 

miss susan (softly) . Phoebe, I have a wedding 
gift for you. 

phoebe. Not yet ? 

miss susan. It has been ready for a long 
time. I began it when you were not ten years 
old and I was a young woman. I meant it 
for myself, Phoebe. I had hoped that he — his 
name was William — but I think I must have 
been too unattractive, my love. 

phoebe. Sweetest — dearest 

miss susan. I always associate it with a 
sprigged poplin I was wearing that summer, 



i.] QUALITY STREET 21 

with a breadth of coloured silk in it, being a 
naval officer; but something happened, a Miss 
Cicely Pemberton, and they are quite big boys 
now. So long ago, Phoebe — he was very tall, 
with brown hair — it was most foolish of 
me, but I was always so fond of sewing — 
with long straight legs and such a pleasant 
expression. 

phoebe. Susan, what was it ? 

miss susan. It was a wedding-gown, my 
dear. Even plain women, Phoebe, we can't 
help it; when we are young we have romantic 
ideas just as if we were pretty. And so the 
wedding-gown was never used. Long before it 
was finished I knew he would not offer, but I 
finished it, and then I put it away. I have 
always hidden it from you, Phoebe, but of late 
I have brought it out again, and altered it. 
(She goes to ottoman and unlocks it.) 

phoebe. Susan, I could not wear it. (miss 
susan brings the wedding -gown.) Oh ! how 
sweet, how beautiful ! 

miss susan. You will wear it, my love, 
won't you? And the tears it was sewn with 



22 QUALITY STREET [act 

long ago will all turn into smiles on my Phoebe's 
wedding-day. 

{They are tearfully happy when a knock 
is heard on the street door.) 
phoebe. That knock. 
miss susan. So dashing. 
phoebe. So imperious. {She is suddenly 
panic-stricken.) Susan, I think he kissed me once. 
miss susan {startled). You think? 
phoebe. I know he did. That evening — 
a week ago, when he was squiring me home 
from the concert. It was raining, and my face 
was wet; he said that was why he did it. 
miss susan. Because your face was wet ? 
phoebe. It does not seem a sufficient 
excuse now. 

miss susan {appalled). O Phoebe, before he 
had offered. 

phoebe {in distress). I fear me it was most 
unladylike. 

(valentine brown is shown in. He is 
a frank, genial young man of twenty-five 
who honestly admires the ladies, though he 
is amused by their quaintness. He is 



QUALITY STREET 



modestly aware that it is in the blue and 

white room alone that he is esteemed a wit.) 

brown. Miss Susan, how do you do, ma'am ? 

Nay, Miss Phoebe, though we have met to-day 

already I insist on shaking hands with you again. 

miss susan. Always so dashing. 

(valentine laughs and the ladies exchange 

delighted smiles.) 

valentine (to miss susan). And my other 

friends, I hope I find them in health? The 

spinet, ma'am, seems quite herself to-day; I 

trust the ottoman passed a good night ? 

miss susan (beaming). We are all quite well, 
sir. 

valentine. May I sit on this chair, Miss 
Phoebe ? I know Miss Susan likes me to break 
her chairs. 

miss susan. Indeed, sir, I do not. Phoebe, 
how strange that he should think so. 

phoebe (instantly). The remark was humor- 
ous, was it not? 

valentine. How you see through me, Miss 
Phoebe. 

(The sisters again exchange delighted 



24 QUALITY STREET [act 

smiles, valentine is about to take a 
seat.) 

miss susan {thinking aloud). Oh dear, I 
feel sure he is going to roll the coverlet into a 
ball and then sit on it. 

(valentine, who has been on the point 
of doing so, abstains and sits guiltily.) 

valentine. So I am dashing, Miss Susan? 
Am I dashing, Miss Phoebe ? 

phoebe. A — little, I think. 

valentine. Well, but I have something to 
tell you to-day which I really think is rather 
dashing, (miss susan gathers her knitting, looks 
at phoebe, and is preparing to go.) You are not 
going, ma'am, before you know what it is ? 

miss susan. I — I — indeed — to be sure — I — I 
know, Mr. Brown. 

phoebe. Susan ! 

miss susan. I mean I do not know. I mean 

I can guess — I mean Phoebe, my love, 

explain. (She goes out.) 

valentine (rather disappointed). The ex- 
planation being, I suppose, that you both know, 
and I had flattered myself 'twas such a secret. 



i.] QUALITY STREET 25 

Am I then to understand that you had foreseen 
it all, Miss Phoebe ? 

phoebe. Nay, sir, you must not ask that. 

valentine. I believe in any case 'twas you 
who first put it into my head. 

phoebe (aghast). Oh, I hope not. 

valentine. Your demure eyes flashed so 
every time the war was mentioned; the little 
Quaker suddenly looked like a gallant boy in 
ringlets. 

(A dread comes over phoebe, but it is 
in her lieart alone ; it shows neither in 
face nor voice.) 

phoebe. Mr. Brown, what is it you have to 
tell us? 

valentine. That I have enlisted, Miss 
Phoebe. Did you surmise it was something else ? 

phoebe. You are going to the wars? Mr. 
Brown, is it a jest ? 

valentine. It would be a sorry jest, ma'am. 
I thought you knew. I concluded that the 
recruiting sergeant had talked. 

phoebe. The recruiting sergeant? I see. 

valentine. These stirring times, Missi 



26 QUALITY STREET [act 

Phoebe — he is but half a man v. T ho stays at 
home. I have chafed for months. I want to 
see whether I have any courage, and as to be 
an army surgeon does not appeal to me, it was 
enlist or remain behind. To-day I found that 
there were five waverers. I asked them would 
they take the shilling if I took it, and they 
assented. Miss Phoebe, it is not one man I give 
to the King, but six. 

phoebe {brightly). I think you have done 
bravely. 

valentine. We leave shortly for the Peters- 
burgh barracks, and I go to London to- 
morrow; so this is good-bye. 

phoebe. I shall pray that you may be 
preserved in battle, Mr. Brown. 

valentine. And you and Miss Susan will 
write to me when occasion offers ? 

phoebe. If you wish it. 

valentine {smiling). With all the stirring 
news of Quality Street. 

phoebe. It seems stirring to us; it must 
have been merely laughable to you, who came 
here from a great city. 



I.] QUALITY STREET 27 

valentine. Dear Quality Street — that 
thought me dashing ! But I made friends in it, 
Miss Phoebe, of two very sweet ladies. 

phoebe {timidly). Mr. Brown, I wonder 
why you have been so kind to my sister and 
me? 

valentine. The kindness was yours. If at 

first Miss Susan amused me {Chuckling.) 

To see her on her knees decorating the little legs 
of the couch with frills as if it were a child ! 
But it was her sterling qualities that impressed 
me presently. 

phoebe. And did — did I amuse you also ? 

valentine. Prodigiously, Miss Phoebe. 
Those other ladies, they were always scolding 
you, your youthfulness shocked them. I believe 
they thought you dashing. 

phoebe {nervously) . I have sometimes feared 
that I was perhaps too dashing. 

valentine {laughing at this). You delicious 
Miss Phoebe. You were too quiet. I felt sorry 
that one so sweet and young should live so 
grey a life. I wondered whether I could put 
any little pleasures into it. 



28 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. The picnics? It was very good 
of you. 

valentine. That was only how it began, for 
soon I knew that it was I who got the pleasures 
and you who gave them. You have been to me, 
Miss Phoebe, like a quiet, old-fashioned garden 
full of the flowers that Englishmen love best 
because they have known them longest: the 
daisy, that stands for innocence, and the 
hyacinth for constancy, and the modest violet 
and the rose. When I am far away, ma'am, 
I shall often think of Miss Phoebe's pretty 
soul, which is her garden, and shut my eyes 
and walk in it. 

(She is smiling gallantly through her pain 
when miss susan returns.) 

miss susan. Have you — is it — you seem so 
calm, .Phoebe. 

phoebe (pressing her sister's hand warningly 
and imploringly). Susan, what Mr. Brown is 
so obliging as to inform us of is not what we 
expected — not that at all. My dear, he is the 
gentleman who has enlisted, and he came to tell 
us that and to say good-bye. 



l] QUALITY STREET 29 

miss susan. Going away ? 

phoebe. Yes, dear. 

valentine. Am I not the ideal recruit, 
ma'am: a man without a wife or a mother or 
a sweetheart ? 

miss susan. No sweetheart ? 

valentine. Have you one for me, Miss 
Susan ? 

phoebe {hastily, lest her sister's face should 
betray the truth). Susan, we shall have to tell 
him now. You dreadful man, you will laugh 
and say it is just like Quality Street. But 
indeed since I met you to-day and you told 
me you had something to communicate we 
have been puzzling what it could be, and 
we concluded that you were going to be 
married. 

valentine. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Was that it. 

phoebe. So like women, you know. We 
thought we perhaps knew her. {Glancing at the 
wedding -gown.) We were even discussing what 
we should wear at the wedding. 

valentine. Ha ! ha ! I shall often think 
of this. I wonder who would have me, Miss 



30 QUALITY STREET [act 

Susan. (Rising.) But I must be off; and 
God bless you both. 

miss susan (forlorn). You are going ! 

valentine. No more mud on your carpet, Miss 

Susan; no more coverlets rolled into balls. Agood 

riddance. Miss Phoebe, a last look atthegarden. 

(Taking her hand and looking into her face.) 

phoebe. We shall miss you very much, Mr. 
Brown. 

valentine. There is one little matter. That 
investment I advised you to make, I am happy 
it has turned out so well. 

phoebe (checking miss susan, who is about 
to tell of the loss of the money) . It was good of 
you to take all that trouble, sir. Accept our 
grateful thanks. 

valentine. Indeed I am glad that you are 
so comfortably left; I am your big brother. 
Good-bye again. (Looks round.) This little 
blue and white room and its dear inmates, 
may they be unchanged when I come back. 
Good-bye. 

(He goes, miss susan looks forlornly at 
phoebe, who smiles pitifully.) 



I.] QUALITY STREET 31 

phoebe. A misunderstanding; just a mis- 
take. {Site shudders, lifts the wedding-gown and 
puts it back in the ottoman, miss susan sinks 
sobbing into a chair.) Don't, dear, don't — we 
can live it down. 

miss susan {fiercely) . He is a fiend in human 
form. 

phoebe. Nay, you hurt me, sister. He is a 
brave gentleman. 

miss susan. The money; why did you not 
let me tell him ? 

phoebe {flushing). So that he might offer 
to me out of pity, Susan ? 

miss susan. Phoebe, how are we to live 
with the quartern loaf at one and tenpence ? 

phoebe. Brother James 

miss susan. You know very well that 
brother James will do nothing for us. 

phoebe. I think, Susan, we could keep a 
little school — for genteel children only, of 
course. I would do most of the teaching. 

miss susan. You a schoolmistress — Phoebe 
of the ringlets; every one would laugh. 

phoebe. I shall hide the ringlets away in a 



32 QUALITY STREET [act 

cap like yours, Susan, and people will soon 
forget them. And I shall try to look staid and 
to grow old quickly. It will not be so hard to 
me as you think, dear. 

miss susan. There were other gentlemen 
who were attracted by you, Phoebe, and you 
turned from them. 

piioebe. I did not want them. 

miss susan. They will come again, and others. 

phoebe. No, dear; never speak of that to 
me any more. (In woe.) I let him kiss me. 

miss susan. You could not prevent him. 

phoebe. Yes, I could. I know I could 
now. I wanted him to do it. Oh, never speak 
to me of others after that. Perhaps he saw I 
wanted it and did it to please me. But I meant 
— indeed I did — that I gave it to him with all my 
love. Sister, I could bear all the rest; but I have 
been unladylike. 

(The curtain falls, and we do not see tlie 
sisters again for ten years.) 

End of Act 1. 



ACT II 



ACT II 

THE SCHOOL 

Ten years later. It is the blue and white room 
still, but many of Miss Susan's beautiful things 
have gone, some of them never to return ; others are 
stored upstairs. Their place is taken by grim schol- 
astic furniture : forms, a desk, a globe, a blackboard, 
heartless maps. It is here that Miss Phoebe keeps 
school. Miss Susan teaches in the room opening off 
it, once the spare bedroom, where there is a smaller 
blackboard (for easier sums) but no globe, as Miss 
Susan is easily alarmed. Here are the younger pupils 
unless they have grown defiant, when they are promoted 
to the blue and white room to be under Miss Phoebe's 
braver rule. They really frighten Miss Phoebe also, 
but she does not let her sister know this. 

It is noon on a day in August, and through the 
window we can see that Quality Street is decorated 
with flags. We also hear at times martial music from 
another street. Miss Phoebe is giving a dancing lesson 

to half a dozen pupils, and is doing her very best ; 

35 



36 QUALITY STREET [act 

now she is at the spinet while they dance, and again 
she is shounng them the new step. We know it is Miss 
Phoebe because some of her pretty airs and graces still 
cling to her in a forlorn way, but she is much changed. 
Her curls are out of sight under a cap, her manner is 
prim, the light has gone from her eyes and buoyancy 
from her figure ; she looks not ten years older but 
twenty, and not an easy twenty. When the children 
are not looking at her we know that she has the headache. 



phoebe (who is sometimes at the spinet and 
sometimes dancing) . Toes out. So. Chest out. 
Georgy. Point your toes, Miss Beveridge — so. 
So — keep in line; and young ladies, remember 
your toes, (georgy in his desire to please has 
protruded the wrong part of his person. She 
writes aC on his chest with chalk.) C stands for 
chest, Georgy. This is S. 

(miss susan darts out of the other room. 
She is less worn than miss phoebe.) 

miss susan (whispering so that the pupils may 
not hear) . Phoebe, how many are fourteen and 
seventeen ? 

phoebe (almost instantly). Thirty-one. 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 37 



miss susan. I thank you. {She darts off.) 
phoebe. That will do, ladies and gentlemen. 
You may go. 

{They bow or curtsy, and retire to miss 
susan's room, with the exception of 

ARTHUR WELLESLEY TOMSON, who is 

standing in disgrace in a corner loith the 
cap of shame on his head, and Isabella, 
a forbidding -looking, learned little girl. 
Isabella holds up her hand for permis- 
sion to speak.) 
Isabella. Please, ma'am, father wishes me 
to acquire algebra. 

phoebe {with a sinking). Algebra! It — it 
is not a very ladylike study, Isabella. 

Isabella. Father says, will you or won't 
you? 

phoebe. And you are thin. It will make 
you thinner, my dear. 

Isabella. Father says I am thin but wiry. 
phoebe. Yes, you are. {With feeling.) You 
are very wiry, Isabella. 

Isabella. Father says, either I acquire 
algebra or I go to Miss Prothero's establishment. 



38 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. Very well, I — I will do my best. 
You may go. 

(Isabella goes and phoebe sits wearily.) 

Arthur (fingering his cap). Please, ma'am, 
may I take it off now ? 

phoebe. Certainly not. Unhappy boy 

(arthur grins.) Come here. Are you ashamed 
of yourself ? 

arthur (blithely). No, ma'am. 

phoebe (in a terrible voice) . Arthur Wellesley 
Tomson, fetch me the implement, (arthur 
goes briskly for the cane, and she hits the desk 
with it.) Arthur, surely that terrifies you ? 

arthur. No, ma'am. 

phoebe. Arthur, why did you fight with 
that street boy ? 

arthur. 'Cos he said that when you caned 
you did not draw blood. 

phoebe. But I don't, do I? 

arthur. No, ma'am. 

phoebe. Then why fight him ? (Remember- 
ing how strange boys are.) Was it for the 
honour of the school ? 

arthur. Yes, ma'am. 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 39 

phoebe. Say you are sorry, Arthur, and I 
won't punish you. 

{He bursts into tears.) 
Arthur. You promised to cane me, and 
now you are not going to do it. 

phoebe {incredulous). Do you wish to be 
caned ? 

Arthur {holding out his hand eagerly) . If you 
please, Miss Phoebe. 

phoebe. Unnatural boy. {She canes him in 
a very unprofessional manner.) Poor dear 
boy. 

{She kisses the hand.) 
Arthur {gloomily). Oh, ma'am, you will 
never be able to cane if you hold it like that. 
You should hold it like this, Miss Phoebe, and 
give it a wriggle like that. 

{She is too soft-hearted to follow his in- 
structions.) 
phoebe {almost in tears). Go away. 
arthur {remembering that women are strange). 
Don't cry, ma'am; I love you, Miss Phoebe. 
{She seats him on her knee, and he thinks 
of a way to please her.) 



40 QUALITY STREET [act 

If any boy says you can't cane I will blood 
him, Miss Phoebe. 

(phoebe shudders, and miss susan again 
darts in. She signs to phoebe to send 
arthur away.) 

miss susan (as soon as arthur has gone). 
Phoebe, if a herring and a half cost three 
ha'pence, how many for elevenpence ? 

phoebe (instantly). Eleven. 

miss susan. William Smith says it is fifteen; 
and he is such a big boy, do you think I ought 
to contradict him ? May I say there are differ- 
ences of opinion about it? No one can be 
really sure, Phoebe. 

phoebe. It is eleven. I once worked it out 
with real herrings. (Stoutly.) Susan, we must 
never let the big boys know that we are afraid of 
them. To awe them, stamp with the foot,speak 
in a ferocious voice, and look them unflinch- 
ingly in the face. (Then she pales.) Oh, Susan, 
Isabella's father insists on her acquiring algebra. 

miss susan. What is algebra exactly; is it 
those three cornered things ? 

phoebe. It is x minus y equals z plus y and 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 41 

things like that. And all the time you are 

saying they are equal, you feel in your heart, 

why should they be. 

(The music of the band swells here, and 
both ladies put their hands to their ears.) 
It is the band for to-night's ball. We must 

not grudge their rejoicings, Susan. It is not 

every year that there is a Waterloo to celebrate. 
miss susan. I was not thinking of that. I 

was thinking that he is to be at the ball to-night; 

and we have not seen him for ten years. 

phoebe (calmly). Yes, ten years. We shall 

be glad to welcome our old friend back, Susan. 

I am going in to your room now to take the 

Latin class. 

(A soldier with a girl passes — a yokel 
follows angrily.) 
miss susan. Oh, that weary Latin, I wish I 

had the whipping of the man who invented it. 

(She returns to her room, and the sound of 
the music dies away, miss phoebe, who is 
not a very accomplished classical scholar, 
is taking a final peep at the declensions 
when miss susan reappears excitedly.) 



42 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. What is it ? 

miss susan (tragically). William Smith! 
Phoebe, I tried to look ferocious, indeed I did, 
but he saw I was afraid, and before the whole 
school he put out his tongue at me. 
phoebe. Susan ! 

(She is lion-hearted ; she remembers 
Arthur's instructions, and practises with 
the cane.) 
miss susan (frightened). Phoebe, he is much 
too big. Let it pass. 

phoebe. If I let it pass I am a stumbling- 
block in the way of true education. 
miss susan. Sister. 
phoebe (grandly). Susan, stand aside. 

(Giving the cane Arthur's most telling 
flick, she marches into the other room. 
Then, while miss susan is listening 
nervously, captain valentine brown is 
ushered in by patty. He is bronzed and 
soldierly. He wears the whiskers of the 
period, and is in uniform. He has lost his 
left hand, but this is not at first noticeable ) 
patty. Miss Susan, 'tis Captain Brown ! 



n.[ QUALITY STREET 43 

miss susan. Captain Brown ! 
valentine {greeting lier warmly). Reports 
himself at home again. 

miss susan {gratified). You call this home? 
valentine. When the other men talked of 
their homes, Miss Susan, I thought of this room. 
{Looking about him.) Maps — desks — heigho ! 
But still it is the same dear room. I have often 
dreamt, Miss Susan, that I came back to it in 
muddy shoes. {Seeing her alarm.) I have not, 
you know! Miss Susan, I rejoice to find no 
change in you; and Miss Phoebe — Miss Phoebe 
of the ringlets — I hope there be as little change 
in her? 

miss susan {'painfully). Phoebe of the ring- 
lets ! Ah, Captain Brown, you need not expect 
to see her. 

valentine. She is not here? I vow it 
spoils all my home-coming. 

{At this moment the door of the other 
room is flung open and phoebe rushes 
out, followed by william smith who is 
brandishing the cane, valentine takes 
in the situation, and without looking at 



44 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe seizes william by the collar and 
marches him out of the school.) 
miss susan. Phoebe, did you see who it is? 
phoebe. I saw. (In a sudden tremor.) 
Susan, I have lost all my looks. 

(The pupils are crowding in from miss 
susan's room and she orders them back 
and goes with them, valentine returns, 
and speaks as he enters, not recognising 
phoebe, whose back is to him.) 
valentine. A young reprobate, madam, but 
I have deposited him on the causeway. I fear — 
(He stops, puzzled because the lady has 
covered her face with her hands.) 
phoebe. Captain Brown. 
valentine. Miss Phoebe, it is you ? 

(He goes to her, but he cannot help show- 
ing that her appearance is a shock to 
him.) 
phoebe (without bitterness). Yes, I have 
changed very much, I have not worn well, 
Captain Brown. 

valentine (awkwardly). We — we are both 
older, Miss Phoebe. 



iij QUALITY STREET 45 

(He holds out his hand warmly, with 
affected high spirits.) 

phoebe (smiling reproachfully) . It was both 
hands when you went away. (He has to show 
that his left hand is gone ; she is overcome.) I 
did not know. (She presses the empty sleeve 
in remorse.) You never mentioned it in your 
letters. 

valentine (now grown rather stern). Miss 
Phoebe, what did you omit from your letters 
that you had such young blackguards as that to 
terrify you? 

phoebe. He is the only one. Most of them 
are dear children; and this is the last day of the 
term. 

valentine. Ah, ma'am, if only you had 
invested all your money as you laid out part by 
my advice. What a monstrous pity you did 
not. 

phoebe. We never thought of it. 

valentine. You look so tired. 

phoebe. I have the headache to-day. 

valentine. You did not use to have the 
headache. Curse those dear children. 



46 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe {bravely) . Nay, do not distress your- 
self about me. Tell me of yourself. We are so 
proud of the way in which you won your com- 
mission. Will you leave the army now? 

valentine. Yes; and I have some intention 
of pursuing again the old life in Quality Street. 
{He is not a man who has reflected much. He has 
come back thinking that all the adventures have 
been his, and that the old life in Quality Street has 
waited, as in a sleep, to be resumed 0)1 the day of 
his return.) I came here in such high spirits, 
Miss Phoebe. 

phoebe {with a wry smile) . The change in me 
depresses you. 

valentine. I was in hopes that you and Miss 
Susan would be going to the ball. I had brought 
cards for you with me to make sure. 

{She is pleased and means to accept. He 
sighs, and she understands that he thinks 
her too old.) 

phoebe. But now you see that my dancing 
days are done. 

valentine {uncomfortably). Ah, no. 

phoebe {taking care he shall not sec thai he has 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 47 

hurt her). But you will find many charming 
partners. Some of them have been my pupils. 
There was even a pupil of mine who fought at 
Waterloo. 

valentine. Young Blades; I have heard 
him on it. (She puts her hand wearily to her 
head). Miss Phoebe — what a dull grey world 
it is ! 

(She turns away to hide her emotion, and 
miss susan comes in.) 
miss susan. Phoebe, I have said that you 
will not take the Latin class to-day, and I am 
dismissing them. 
valentine. Latin ? 

phoebe (rather defiantly). I am proud to 
teach it. (Breaking down.) Susan — his arm — 
have you seen ? 

(miss susan also is overcome, but recovers 
as the children crowd in.) 
miss susan. Hats off, gentlemen salute, 
ladies curtsy — to the brave Captain Brown. 

(captain brown salutes them awkwardly, 
and they cheer him, to his great discomfort, 
as they pass out.) 



48 QUALITY STREET [act 

valentine (when they have gone) . A terrible 
ordeal, ma'am. 

{The old friends look at each other, and 

there is a silence, valentine feels that 

all the fine tales and merry jests he has 

brought bach for the ladies have turned 

into dead things. He wants to go away 

and think.) 

phoebe. I wish you very happy at the ball. 

valentine (sighing). Miss Susan, cannot we 

turn all these maps and horrors out till the 

vacation is over? 

miss susan. Indeed, sir, we always do. By 
to-morrow this will be my dear blue and white 
room again, and that my sweet spare bed- 
room. 

phoebe. For five weeks ! 

valentine (making vain belief). And then — 

the — the dashing Mr. Brown will drop in as of 

old, and, behold, Miss Susan on her knees once 

more putting tucks into my little friend the 

ottoman, and Miss Phoebe — Miss Phoebe 

phoebe. Phoebe of the ringlets ! 
(She goes out quietly.) 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 49 

valentine {miserably). Miss Susan, what a 
shame it is. 

miss susan {hotly). Yes, it is a shame. 

valentine {suddenly become more of a man). 
The brave Captain Brown ! Good God, ma'am, 
how much more brave are the ladies who keep 
a school. 

(patty shows in two visitors, miss 

CHARLOTTE PARRATT and ENSIGN BLADES. 

charlotte is a pretty minx who we are 
glad to say does not reside in Quality 
Street, and blades is a callow youth, in- 
viting admiration.) 
charlotte {as they salute). But I did not 
know you had company, Miss Susan. 

miss susan. 'Tis Captain Brown — Miss 
Charlotte Parratt. 

charlotte {gushing) . The heroic Brown? 
valentine. Alas, no, ma'am, the other 
one. 

charlotte. Miss Susan, do you see who 
accompanies me? 

miss susan. I cannot quite recall 

blades. A few years ago, ma'am, there sat 



50 QUALITY STREET [act 

in this room a scrubby, inky little boy — I was 
that boy. 

miss susan. Can it be our old pupil — Ensign 
Blades ? 

(She thinks him very fine, and he bows, 
well pleased.) 

blades. Once a little boy and now your 
most obedient, ma'am. 

miss susan. You have come to recall old 
memories ? 

blades. Not precisely; I — Charlotte, 
explain. 

charlotte. Ensign Blades wishes me to 
say that it must seem highly romantic to 
you to have had a pupil who has fought at 
Waterloo. 

miss susan. Not exactly romantic. I trust, 
sir, that when you speak of having been our 
pupil you are also so obliging as to mention 
that it was during our first year. Otherwise it 
makes us seem so elderly. 

(He bows again, in what he believes to be a 
quizzical manner.) 

charlotte. Ensign Blades would be pleased 



n.] QUALITY STREET 51 

to hear, Miss Susan, what you think of hini as a 
whole. - ' 

miss susan. Indeed, sir, I thmk you are 
monstrous fine. - {Innocently.) It quite awes me 
to remember that we used to whip him. 

valentine {delighted). Whipped him, Miss 
Susan ! {In solem?i burlesque of charlotte.) 
Ensign Blades wishes to indicate that it was 
more than Buonaparte could do. We shall 
meet again, bright boy. 

{He makes his adieux and goes.) 

blades. Do you think he was quizzing 
me? 

miss susan {simply). I cannot think so. 

blades. He said 'bright boy,' ma'am. 

miss susan. I am sure, sir, he did not 
mean it. 

(phoebe returns.) 

phoebe. Charlotte, I am happy to see you. 
You look delicious, my dear — so young and 
fresh. 

charlotte. La! Do you think so, Miss 
Phoebe ? 

blades. Miss Phoebe, your obedient. 



52 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. It is Ensign Blades ! But how 
kind of you, sir, to revisit the old school. Please 
to sit down. 

charlotte. Ensign Blades has a favour to 
ask of you, Miss Phoebe. 

blades. I learn, ma'am, that Captain Brown 
has obtained a card for you for the ball, and I 
am here to solicit for the honour of standing up 
with you. 

(For the moment phoebe is flattered. 
Here, she believes, is some one who does 
not think her too old for the dance. Then 
slie 'perceives a meaning smile pass between 
charlotte and the ensign.) 
phoebe (paling). Is it that you desire to 
make sport of me ? 

blades (honestly distressed). Oh no, ma'am, 
I vow — but I — I am such a quiz, ma'am. 
miss susan. Sister ! 

phoebe. I am sorry, sir, to have to deprive 
you of some entertainment, but I am not going 
to the ball. 

miss susan (haughtily). Ensign Blades, I 
bid you my adieux. 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 53 

blades (ashamed). If I have hurt Miss 
Phoebe's feelings I beg to apologise. 

miss susan. // you have hurt them. Oh, 
sir, how is it possible for any one to be as silly 
as you seem to be. 

blades (who cannot find the answer). Charlotte 
— explain. 

(But chaelotte considers that their visit 
has not been sufficiently esteemed and 
departs with a cold curtsy, taking him 
with her.) 

(miss susan turns sympathetically to 
phoebe, but phoebe, fighting with her 
pain, sits down at the spinet and plays 
at first excitedly a gay tune, then slowly, 
then comes to a stop with her head bowed. 
Soon she jumps up courageously, brushes 
away her distress, gets an algebra book from 
the desk and sits down to study it. miss 
susan is at the window, where ladies and 
gentlemen are now seen passing in ball 
attire.) 

miss susan. What book is it, Phoebe ? 

phoebe. It is an algebra. 



54 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss susan. They are going by to the ball. 
(In anger.) My Phoebe should be going to the 
ball, too. 

phoebe. You jest, Susan, (miss susan 
watches her read, phoebe has to wipe away a 
tear; soon she rises and gives way to the emotion 
she has been suppressing ever since the entrance 
of valentine.) Susan, I hate him. Oh, Susan, 
I could hate him if it were not for his poor 
hand. 

miss susan. My dear. 

phoebe. He thought I was old, because I am 
weary, and he should not have forgotten. I am 
only thirty. Susan, why does thirty seem so 
much more than twenty-nine ? (As if valentine 
were present.) Oh, sir, how dare you look so 
pityingly at me ? Because I have had to work 
so hard, — is it a crime when a woman works? 
Because I have tried to be courageous — have 
I been courageous, Susan ? 

miss susan. God knows you have. 

phoebe. But it has given me the headache, 
it has tired my eyes. Alas, Miss Phoebe, all 
your charm has gone, for you ha ve the headache, 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 55 

and your eyes are tired. He is dancing with 
Charlotte Parratt now, Susan. 'I vow, Miss 
Charlotte, you are selfish and silly, but you are 
sweet eighteen.' 'Oh la, Captain Brown, what 
a quiz you are.' That delights him, Susan; see 
how he waggles his silly head. 

miss susan. Charlotte Parratt is a goose. 

phoebe. 'Tis what gentlemen prefer. If 
there were a sufficient number of geese to go 
round, Susan, no woman of sense would ever get 
a husband. ' Charming Miss Charlotte, you are 
like a garden; Miss Phoebe was like a garden 
once, but 'tis a faded garden now.' 

miss susan. If to be ladylike 

phoebe. Susan, I am tired of being ladylike. 
I am a young woman still, and to be ladylike is 
not enough. I wish to be bright and thoughtless 
and merry. It is every woman's birthright to 
be petted and admired; I wish to be petted 
and admired. Was I born to be confined 
within these four walls? Are they the world, 
Susan, or is there anything beyond them? I 
want to know. My eyes are tired because for 
ten years they have seen nothing but maps 



56 QUALITY STREET [act 

and desks. Ten years ! Ten years ago I went 
to bed a young girl and I woke with this cap on 
my head. It is not fair. This is not me, Susan, 
this is some other person, I want to be myself. 

miss susan. Phoebe, Phoebe, you who have 
always been so patient ! 

phoebe. Oh no, not always. If you only 
knew how I have rebelled at times, you would 
turn from me in horror. Susan, I have a 
picture of myself as I used to be; I sometimes 
look at it. I sometimes kiss it, and say, 'Poor 
girl, they have all forgotten you. But I re- 
member.' 

miss susan. I cannot recall it. 

phoebe. I keep it locked away in my room. 
Would you like to see it ? I shall bring it down. 
My room ! Oh, Susan, it is there that the 
Phoebe you think so patient has the hardest fight 
with herself, for there I have seemed to hear and 
see the Phoebe of whom this (looking at herself) 
is but an image in a distorted glass. I have 
heard her singing as if she thought she was still 
a girl. I have heard her weeping; perhaps it 
was only I who was weeping; but she seemed 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 57 

to cry to me, 'Let me out of this prison, give me 
back the years you have taken from me. Oh, 
where are my pretty curls ? ' she cried. ' Where 
is my youth, my youth.' 

(She goes out, leaving miss susan woeful. 
Presently susan takes up the algebra book 
and reads.) 

miss susan. 'A stroke B multiplied by B 
stroke C equal AB stroke a little 2; stroke AC 
add BC. "Poor Phoebe!" Multiply by C 
stroke A and we get — Poor Phoebe ! C a B 
stroke a little 2 stroke AC little 2 add BC. "Oh, 
I cannot believe it!" Stroke a little 2 again, 
add AB little 2 add a little 2 C stroke a BC . . . 
(patty comes in with the lamp.) 

patty. Hurting your poor eyes reading 
without a lamp. Think shame, Miss Susan. 

miss susan (with spirit) . Patty, I will not be 
dictated to. (patty looks out at window.) 
Draw the curtains at once. I cannot allow 
you to stand gazing at the foolish creatures who 
crowd to a ball. 

patty (closing curtains). I am not gazing 
at them, ma'am; I am gazing at my sweetheart. 



58 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss susan. Your sweetheart ? (Softly.) I 
did not know you had one. 

patty. Nor have I, ma'am, as yet. But I 
looks out, and thinks I to myself, at any moment 
he may turn the corner. I ha' been looking out 
at windows waiting for him to oblige by turning 
the corner this fifteen years. 

miss susan. Fifteen years, and still you are 
hopeful ? 

patty. There is not a more hopeful woman in 
all the king's dominions. 

miss susan. You who are so much older than 
Miss Phoebe. 

patty. Yes, ma'am, I ha' the advantage of 
her by ten years. 

miss susan. It would be idle to pretend that 
you are specially comely. 

patty. That may be, but my face is my own, 
and the more I see it in the glass the more it 
pleases me. I never look at it but I say to 
myself, 'Who is to be the lucky man?' 

miss susan. 'Tis wonderful. 

patty. This will be a great year for females, 
ma'am. Think how many of the men that 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 59 

marched away strutting to the wars have come 
back limping. Who is to take off their wooden 
legs of an evening, Miss Susan ? You, ma'am, 
or me? 

miss susan. Patty ! 

patty {doggedly) . Or Miss Phoebe? {With feel- 
ing.) The pretty thing that she was, Miss Susan. 

miss susan. Do you remember, Patty? I 
think there is no other person who remembers 
unless it be the Misses Willoughby and Miss 
Henrietta. 

patty {eagerly). Give her a chance, ma'am, 
and take her to the balls. There be three of 
them this week, and the last ball will be the best, 
for 'tis to be at the barracks, and you will need 
a carriage to take you there, and there will be 
the packing of you into it by gallant squires 
and the unpacking of you out, and other 
devilries. 

miss susan. Patty ! 

patty. If Miss Phoebe were to dress young 
again and put candles in her eyes that used to be 

so bright, and coax back her curls 

(phoebe returns, and a great change 



60 QUALITY STREET [act 



has come over her. She is young and 
pretty again. She is wearing the wedding- 
gown of act i., her ringlets are glorious, 
her figure youthful, her face flushed and 
animated, patty is the first to see her, 
and is astonished, phoebe signs to her 
to go.) 
phoebe (when patty has gone). Susan, (miss 
susan sees and is speechless.) Susan, this is the 
picture of my old self that I keep locked away 
in my room, and sometimes take out of its 
box to look at. This is the girl who kisses 
herself in the glass and sings and dances with 
glee until I put her away frightened lest you 
should hear her. 

miss susan. How marvellous ! Oh, Phoebe. 
phoebe. Perhaps I should not do it, but it 
is so easy. I have but to put on the old wedding- 
gown and tumble my curls out of the cap. 
(Passionately.) Sister, am I as changed as he 
says I am ? 

miss susan. You almost frighten me. 

( The band is heard.) 
phoebe. The music is calling to us. Susan, 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 61 

I will celebrate Waterloo in a little ball of my 
own. See, my curls have begun to dance, 
they are so anxious to dance. One dance, 
Susan, to Phoebe of the ringlets, and then 
I will put her away in her box and never 
look at her again. Ma'am, may I have the 
honour ? Nay, then I shall dance alone. (She 
dances.) Oh, Susan, I almost wish I were a 
goose. 

(Presently patty returns. She gazes at 
miss phoebe dancing.) 

patty. Miss Phoebe ! 

phoebe (still dancing). Not Miss Phoebe, 
Patty. I am not myself to-night, I am — let me 
see, I am my niece. 

patty (in a whisper to susan). But Miss 
Susan, 'tis Captain Brown. 

miss susan. Oh, stop, Phoebe, stop ! 

patty. Nay, let him see her ! 

(miss susan hurries scandalised into the 
other room as valentine enters.) 

valentine. I ventured to come back be- 
cause (phoebe) turns to him — he stops 

abruptly, bewildered.) I beg your pardon, 



62 QUALITY STREET [act 



madam, I thought it was Miss Susan or Miss 
Phoebe. 

(His mistake surprises her, but she is in 
a wild mood and curtsies, then turns 
away and smiles. He stares as if half- 
convinced.) 
patty (with an inspiration). 'Tis my 
mistresses' niece, sir; she is on a visit 
here. 

(He is deceived. He bows gallantly, then 
remembers the object of his visit. He pro- 
duces a bottle of medicine.) 
valentine. Patty, I obtained this at the 
apothecary's for Miss Phoebe's headache. It 
should be taken at once. 

patty. Miss Phoebe is lying down, sir. 
valentine. Is she asleep ? 
patty (demurely). No, sir, I think she be 
wide awake. 

valentine. It may soothe her. 
phoebe. Patty, take it to Aunt Phoebe at 
once. 

(patty goes out sedately with the medicine.) 
valentine (after a little awkwardness, which 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 63 

phoebe enjoys). Perhaps I may venture to 
present myself, Miss — Miss ? 

phoebe. Miss — Livvy, sir. 

valentine. I am Captain Brown, Miss 
Livvy, an old friend of both your aunts. 

phoebe {curtsying). I have heard them 
speak of a dashing Mr. Brown. But I think it 
cannot be the same. 

valentine (a little chagrined). Why not, 
ma'am ? 

phoebe. I ask your pardon, sir. 

valentine. I was sure you must be related. 
Indeed, for a moment the likeness — even the 
voice 

phoebe (pouting). La, sir, you mean I am 
like Aunt Phoebe. Every one says so — and 
indeed 'tis no compliment. 

valentine. 'Twould have been a compli- 
ment once. You must be a daughter of the 
excellent Mr. James Throssel who used to 
reside at Great Buckland. 

phoebe. He is still there. 

valentine. A tedious twenty miles from 
here, as I remember. 



64 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. La ! I have found the journey a 
monstrous quick one, sir. 

(The band is again heard. She runs to the 
window to peep between the curtains, and 
his eyes follow her admiringly.) 

valentine (eagerly). Miss Livvy, you go to 
the ball? 

phoebe. Alas, sir, I have no card. 

valentine. I have two cards for your 
aunts. As Miss Phoebe has the headache, your 
Aunt Susan must take you to the ball. 

phoebe. Oh, oh ! (Her feet move to the 
music.) Sir, I cannot control my feet. 

valentine. They are already at the ball, 
ma'am; you must follow them. 

phoebe (with all the pent-up mischief of ten 
years). Oh, sir, do you think some pretty 
gentleman might be partial to me at the ball ? 

valentine. If that is your wish 

phoebe. I should love, sir, to inspire frenzy 
in the breast of the male. (With sudden col- 
lapse.) I dare not go — I dare not. 

valentine. Miss Livvy, I vow 

(He turns eagerly to miss susan, who enters.) 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 65 

I have ventured, Miss Susan, to introduce my- 
self to your charming niece. 

(miss susan would like to run away 
again, but the wicked miss phoebe is 
determined to have her help.) 

phoebe. Aunt Susan, do not be angry 
with your Livvy — your Livvy, Aunt Susan. 
This gentleman says he is the dashing Mr. 
Brown, he has cards for us for the ball, 
Auntie. Of course we cannot go — we dare 
not go. Oh, Auntie, hasten into your bom- 
bazine. 

miss susan (staggered). Phoebe 

phoebe. Aunt Phoebe wants me to go. If I 
say she does you know she does ! 

miss susan. But my dear, my dear. 

phoebe. Oh, Auntie, why do you talk so 
much. Come, come. 

valentine. I shall see to it, Miss Susan, that 
your niece has a charming ball. 

phoebe. He means he will find me sweet 
partners. 

valentine. Nay, ma'am, I mean / shall be 
your partner. 



66 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe (who is not an angel) . Aunt Susan, he 
still dances ! 

valentine. Still, ma'am? 

phoebe. Oh, sir, you are indeed dashing. 
Nay, sir, please not to scowl, I could not avoid 
noticing them. 

valentine. Noticing what, Miss Livvy ? 

phoebe. The grey hairs, sir. 

valentine. I vow, ma'am, there is not one 
in my head. 

phoebe. He is such a quiz. I so love a 
quiz. 

valentine. Then, ma'am, I shall do nothing 
but quiz you at the ball. Miss Susan, I beg 
you 

miss susan. Oh, sir, dissuade her. 

valentine. Nay, I entreat. 

phoebe. Auntie ! 

miss susan. Think, my dear, think, we dare 
not. 

phoebe (shuddering). No, we dare not, I 
cannot go. 

valentine. Indeed, ma'am. 

phoebe. 'Tis impossible. 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 67 

(She really means it, and had not the music 
here taken an unfair advantage of her it is 
certain that miss phoebe would never have 
gone to the ball. In after years she and 
miss susan would have talked together 
of the monstrous evening when she nearly 
lost her head, but regained it before it could 
fall off. Bid suddenly the music swells 
so alluringly that it is a thousand fingers 
beckoning her to all tlie balls she has missed, 
and in a transport she whirls miss susan 
from the blue and white room to the 
bed-chamber where is the bombazine. 
valentine awaits their return like a 
conqueror, until miss liwy's words about 
his hair return to trouble him. He is stoop- 
ing, gazing intently into a small mirror, 
extracting the grey hairs one by one, when 
patty ushers in the sisters willoughby 
and miss Henrietta, miss Henrietta is 
wearing the new veil, which opens or closes 
like curtains when she pulls a string. She 
opens it now to see what lie is doing, and 
the slight sound brings him to his feet.) 



68 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss Henrietta. 'Tis but the new veil, sir; 
there is no cause for alarm. 

{They have already learned from patty, 
we may be sure, that he is in the house, but 
they express genteel surprise.) 

miss fanny. Mary, surely we are addressing 
the gallant Captain Brown ! 

valentine. It is the Misses Willoughby and 
Miss Henrietta. 'Tis indeed a gratification to 
renew acquaintance with such elegant and re- 
spectable females. 

{The greetings are elaborate.) 

miss willoughby. You have seen Miss 
Phoebe, sir? 

valentine. I have had the honour. Miss 
Phoebe, I regret to say, is now lying down with 
the headache. {The ladies are too delicately 
minded to exchange glances before a man, but they 
are privately of opinion that this meeting after ten 
years with the dazzling brown has laid miss 
phoebe low. They are in a twitter of sympathy 
with her, and yearning to see miss susan alone, so 
that they may draw from her an account of the excit- 
ing meeting?) You do not favour the ball to-night? 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 69 

miss fanny. I confess balls are distasteful 
to me. 

miss Henrietta. 'Twill be a mixed assembly. 
I am credibly informed that the woollen draper's 
daughter has obtained a card. 

valentine {gravely) . Good God, ma'am, is it 
possible ? 

miss willoughby. We shall probably spend 
the evening here with Miss Susan at the card 
table. 

valentine. But Miss Susan goes with me to 
the ball, ma'am. 

(This is scarcely less exciting to them than 
the overthrow of tlie Corsican.) 
valentine. Nay, I hope there be no im- 
propriety. Miss Livvy will accompany her. 
miss willoughby (bewildered). Miss Liwy ? 
valentine. Their charming niece. 

(The ladies repeat the word in a daze.) 
miss fanny. They had not apprised us that 
they have a visitor. 

(They think this reticence unfriendly, and 
are wondering whether they ought not to 
retire hurt, when miss susan enters in her 



70 QUALITY STREET [act 

bombazine, wraps, and bonnet. Site starts 
at sight of litem, and has the bearing of a 
guilty person.) 

miss willoughby {stiffly). We have but now 
been advertised of your intention for this even- 
ing, Susan. 

miss Henrietta. We deeply regret our 
intrusion. 

miss susan (wistfidly). Please not to be 
piqued, Mary. 'Twas so — sudden. 

miss willoughby. I cannot remember, 
Susan, that your estimable brother had a 
daughter. I thought all the three were 
sons. 

miss susan (with deplorable readiness) . Three 
sons and a daughter. Surely you remember 
little Livvy, Mary ? 

miss willoughby (bluntly). No, Susan, I 
do not. 

miss susan. I — I must go. I hear Livvy 
calling. 

miss fanny (tartly). I hear nothing but the 
band. We are not to see your niece? 

miss susan. Another time — to-morrow. 



ii.] QUALITY STREET 71 

Pray rest a little before you depart, Mary. I — 

I — Phoebe Livvy — the headache 

(But before she can go another lady enters 
gaily.) 
valentine. Ah, here is Miss Livvy. 

(The true culprit is more cunning than 

miss susan, and before they can see her 

she quickly pulls the strings of her bonnet, 

which is like miss Henrietta's, and it 

obscures her face.) 

Miss susan. This — this is my niece, Livvy — 

Miss Willoughby, Miss Henrietta, Miss Fanny 

Willoughby. 

valentine. Ladies, excuse my impatience, 

but 

miss willoughby. One moment, sir. May 
I ask, Miss Livvy, how many brothers you 
have. 

phoebe. Two. 

miss willoughby. I thank you. 

(She looks strangely at miss susan, and 
miss phoebe knows that shehasblundered.) 
phoebe (at a venture). Excluding the un- 
happy Thomas. 



72 QUALITY STREET [act ii. 

miss susan {clever for the only moment in her 
life). We never mention him. 

{They are swept away on the arms of the 
impatient captain.) 

MISS WILLOUGHBY, MISS HENRIETTA, AND MISS 

fanny. What has Thomas done ? 

{They have no suspicion as yet of what 
Miss phoebe has done ; but they believe 
there is a scandal in the Throssel family, 
and they will not sleep happily until they 
know wliat it is.) 

End of Act II. 



ACT III 



ACT III 
THE BALL 

A ball, but not the one to which we have seen Miss 
Susan and 3/m Phoebe rush forth upon their career 
of crime. This is the third of the series, the one of 
which Patty has foretold with horrid relish that it 
'promises to be specially given over to devilries. The 
scene is a canvas pavilion, used as a retiring room and 
for card play, and through an opening in the back we 
have glimpses of gay uniforms and fair ladies inter- 
mingled in the bravery of the dance. There is coming 
and going through this opening, and also through slits 
in the canvas. The pavilion is fantastically decorated 
in various tastes, and is lit with lanterns. A good- 
natured moon, nevertheless, shines into it benignly. 
Some of the card tables are neglected, but at one a game 
of quadrille is in progress. There is much movement 
and hilarity, but none from one side of the tent, where 
sit several young ladies, all pretty, all appealing and 
all woeful, for no gallant comes to ask them if he may 
have the felicity. The nervous woman chaperoning 

76 



76 QUALITY STREET [act 

them, and afraid to meet their gaze lest they scowl or 
weep in reply, is no other than Miss Susan, the most 
unhappy Miss Susan we have yet seen; she sits there 
gripping her composure in both hands. Far less 
susceptible to shame is the brazen Phoebe, who may be 
seen passing the opening on the arm of a cavalier, and 
flinging her trembling sister a mischievous kiss. The 
younger ladies note the incident ; alas, they are 
probably meant to notice it, and they cower, as under 
a blow. 



Harriet (a sad-eyed, large girl, who we hope 
found a romance at her next ball). Are we so 
disagreeable that no one will dance with us? 
Miss Susan, 'tis infamous; they have eyes for 
no one but your niece. 

charlotte. Miss Livvy has taken Ensign 
Blades from me. 

Harriet. If Miss Phoebe were here, I am 
sure she would not allow her old pupils to be so 
neglected. 

(The only possible reply for miss susan 
is to make herself look as small as possible. 
A lieutenant comes to them, once a scorner 



in.] QUALITY STREET 77 

of woman, but now spicer the bewitched. 
Harriet has a moment's hope.) 

How do you do, sir ? 

spicer (with dreadful indifference, though she 
is his dear cousin). Nay, ma'am, how do you 
do? (Wistfully.) May I stand beside you, 
Miss Susan? 

(He is a most melancholic young man, 
and he fidgets her.) 

miss susan (with spirit). You have been 
standing beside me, sir, nearly all the evening. 

spicer (humbly. It is strange to think that 
he had been favourably mentioned in despatches). 
Indeed, I cannot but be cognisant of the suf- 
ferings I cause by attaching myself to you in 
this unseemly manner. Accept my assurances, 
ma'am, that you have my deepest sympathy. 

miss susan. Then why do you do it? 

spicer. Because you are her aunt, ma'am. 
It is a scheme of mine by which I am in hopes to 
soften her heart. Her affection for you, ma'am, 
is beautiful to observe, and if she could be per- 
suaded that I seek her hand from a passionate 
desire to have you for my Aunt Susan — do 



78 QUALITY STREET [act 

you perceive anything hopeful in rny scheme, 
ma'am ? 
miss susan. No, sir, I do not. 

(spicer wanders away gloomily, takes too 
much to drink, and ultimately becomes a 
general, ensign blades appears, frown- 
ing, and charlotte ventures to touch his 
sleeve.) 
charlotte. Ensign Blades, I have not 
danced with you once this evening. 

blades (with the cold brutality of a lover to 
another she). Nor I with you, Charlotte. (To 
susan.) May I solicit of you, Miss Susan, is 
Captain Brown Miss Livvy's guardian; is he 
affianced to her ? 

miss susan. No, sir. 

blades. Then by what right, ma'am, does 
he interfere ? Your elegant niece had consented 
to accompany me to the shrubbery — to look at 
the moon. And now Captain Brown forbids it. 
'Tis unendurable. 

charlotte. But you may see the moon from 
here, sir. 

blades (glancing at it contemptuously). I 



in.] QUALITY STREET 79 

believe not, ma'am. {Tlie moon still shines 
on.) 

miss susan (primly). I am happy Captain 
Brown forbade her. 

blades. Miss Susan, 'twas but because he is 
to conduct her to the shrubbery himself. 

(He flings out pettishly, and miss susan 
looks pityingly at the wall-flowers.) 
miss susan. My poor Charlotte ! May I take 
you to some very agreeable ladies ? 

charlotte (tartly). No, you may not. lam 
going to the shrubbery to watch Miss Livvy. 
miss susan. Please not to do that. 
charlotte (implying that miss susan will be 
responsible for her early death). My chest is 
weak. I shall sit among the dew. 

miss susan. Charlotte, you terrify me. At 
least, please to put this cloak about your 
shoulders. Nay, my dear, allow me. 

(She puts a cloak around charlotte, 
who departs vindictively for the shrubbery. 
She will not find livvy there, however, for 
next moment miss phoebe darts in from 
the back.) 



80 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe (in a gay whisper). Susan, another 
offer — Major Linkwater — rotund man, black 
whiskers, fierce expression; he has rushed away 
to destroy himself. 

(We have been unable to find any record of 

the Major's tragic end.) 

an old soldier (looking up from a card 

table, whence he has heard the raging of blades). 

Miss Livvy, ma'am, what is this about the 

moon ? 

(phoebe smiles roguishly.) 
phoebe (looking about her). I want my cloak, 
Aunt Susan. 

miss susan. I have just lent it to poor 
Charlotte Parratt. 
phoebe. Oh, auntie ! 

old soldier. And now Miss Livvy cannot 
go into the shrubbery to see the moon; and she 
is so fond of the moon ! 

(miss phoebe screws her nose at him 

merrily, and darts back to the dance, 

but she has left a defender behind her.) 

a gallant (whose name we have not succeeded 

in discovering). Am I to understand, sir, that 



in.] QUALITY STREET 81 

you are intimating disparagement of the moon ? 
If a certain female has been graciously pleased 
to signify approval of that orb, any slight cast 
upon the moon, sir, I shall regard as a personal 
affront. 

old soldier. Hoity-toity. 

(But he rises, and they face each other, 
as miss susan feels, for battle. She is 
about to rush between their undrawn 
swords when there is a commotion outside; 
a crowd gathers and opens to allow some 
officers to assist a fainting woman into the 
tent. It is miss phoebe, and miss susan 
with a cry goes on her knees beside her. 
The tent has filled with the sympathetic 
and inquisitive, but captain brown, 
as a physician, takes command, and by 
his order they retire. He finds difficulty 
in bringing the sufferer to, and gets little 
help from miss susan, who can only call 
upon miss phoebe by name.) 
valentine. Nay, Miss Susan, 'tis useless 
calling for Miss Phoebe. 'Tis my fault; I 
should not have permitted Miss Livvy to dance 



82 QUALITY STREET [act 

so immoderately. Why do they delay with the 
cordial ? 

(He goes to the back to close the open- 
ing, and while he is doing so the incom- 
prehensible miss phoebe seizes the oppor- 
tunity to sit up on her couch of chair::, 
waggle her finger at miss susan, and sign 
darkly that she is about to make a genteel 
recovery.) 
phoebe. Where am I? Is that you, Aunt 
Susan ? What has happened ? 

valentine (returning). Nay, you must 
recline, Miss Livvy. You fainted. Y 7 ou have 
over-fatigued yourself. 
phoebe. I remember. 

(blades enters with the cordial.) 
valentine. You will sip this cordial. 
blades. By your leave, sir. 

(He hands it to phoebe himself.) 
valentine. She is in restored looks already, 
Miss Susan. 

phoebe. I am quite recovered. Perhaps 
if you were to leave me now with my excellent 
aunt 



in.] QUALITY STREET 83 

valentine. Be off with you, apple cheeks. 

blades. Sir, I will suffer no reference to my 
complexion; and, if I mistake not, this charm- 
ing lady was addressing you. 

phoebe. If you please, both of you. {They 
retire together, and no sooner have they gone than 
miss phoebe leaps from the conch, her eyes 
sparkling. She presses the cordial on misssusan.) 
Nay, drink it, Susan. I left it for you on 
purpose. I have such awful information to 
impart. Drink, (miss susan drinks tremblingly 
and then the bolt is fired.) Susan, Miss Henrietta 
and Miss Fanny are here ! 

miss susan. Phoebe ! 

phoebe. Suddenly my eyes lighted on them. 
At once I slipped to the ground. 

miss susan. You think they did not see 
you? 

phoebe. I am sure of it. They talked for 
a moment to Ensign Blades, and then turned and 
seemed to be going towards the shrubbery. 

miss susan. He had heard that you were 
there with Captain Brown. He must have told 
them. 



84 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. I was not. But oh, sister, I am 
sure they suspect, else why should they be here ? 
They never frequent balls. 

miss susan. They have suspected for a week, 
ever since they saw you in your veil, Phoebe, on 
the night of the first dance. How could they 
but suspect, when they have visited us every day 
since then and we have always pretended that 
Livvy was gone out. 

phoebe. Should they see my face it will be 
idle to attempt to deceive them. 

miss susan. Idle indeed; Phoebe, the 
scandal ! You — a schoolmistress ! 

phoebe. That is it, sister. A little happiness 
has gone to my head like strong waters. 
(She is very restless and troubled.) 

miss susan. My dear, stand still, and think. 

phoebe. I dare not, I cannot. Oh, Susan, 
if they see me we need not open school again. 

miss susan. We shall starve. 

phoebe (passionately). This horrid, forward, 
flirting, heartless, hateful little toad of a Livvy. 

miss susan. Brother James's daughter, as 
we call her ! 



in.] QUALITY STREET 85 

phoebe. 'Tis all James's fault. 

miss susan. Sister, when you know that 
James has no daughter ! 

phoebe. If he had really had one, think you 
I could have been so wicked as to personate her ? 
Susan, I know not what I am saying, but you 
know who it is that has turned me into this 
wild creature. 

miss susan. Oh, Valentine Brown, how 
could you ? 

phoebe. To weary of Phoebe — patient, lady- 
like Phoebe — the Phoebe whom I have lost — to 
turn from her with a 'Bah, you make me old,' 
and become enamoured in a night of a thing like 
this! 

miss susan. Yes, yes, indeed; yet he has 
been kind to us also. He has been to visit us 
several times. 

phoebe. In the hope to see her. Was he not 
most silent and gloomy when we said she was 
gone out ? 

miss susan. He is infatuate (She 

hesitates.) Sister, you are not partial to him 
still? 



8G QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. No, Susan, no. I did love him all 
those years, though I never spoke of it to you. I 
put hope aside at once, I folded it up and kissed 
it and put it away like a pretty garment I could 
never wear again, I but loved to think of him 
as a noble man. But he is not a noble man, 
and Livvy found it out in an hour. The 
gallant ! I flirted that I might enjoy his fury. 
Susan, there has been a declaration in his eyes 
all to-night, and when he cries 'Adorable Miss 
Livvy, be mine,' I mean to answer with an 
'Oh, la, how ridiculous you are. You are 
much too old — I have been but quizzing you, 
sir.' 

miss susan. Phoebe, how can you be so 
cruel ? 

phoebe. Because he has taken from me the 
one great glory that is in a woman's life. Not 
a man's love — she can do without that — but 
her own dear sweet love for him. He is un- 
worthy of my love; that is why I can be so 
cruel. 

miss susan. Oh, dear. 

phoebe. And now my triumph is to be 



in.] QUALITY STREET 87 

denied me, for we must steal away home before 
Henrietta and Fanny see us. 
miss susan. Yes, yes. 

phoebe (dispirited) . And to-morrow we must 
say that Livvy has gone back to her father, for 
I dare keep up this deception no longer. Susan, 
let us go. 

{They are going dejectedly, but are arrested 
by the apparition of miss Henrietta and 
miss fanny peeping into the tent, phoebe 
has just time to signify to her sister that 
she will confess all and beg for mercy, when 
the intruders speak.) 
miss Henrietta {not triumphantbut astounded) . 
You, Miss Phoebe ? 

phoebe (with bowed head). Yes. 
miss fanny. How amazing ! You do not 
deny, ma'am, that you are Miss Phoebe ? 

phoebe (making confession). Yes, Fanny, I 
am Miss Phoebe. 

(To her bewilderment Henrietta and 
fanny exchange ashamed glances.) 
miss Henrietta. Miss Phoebe, we have done 
you a cruel wrong. 



88 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss fanny. Phoebe, we apologise. 

miss Henrietta. To think how excitedly 
we have been following her about in the 
shrubbery. 

miss fanny. She is wearing your cloak. 

miss Henrietta. Ensign Blades told us she 
was gone to the shrubbery. 

miss fanny. And we were convinced there 
was no such person. 

miss Henrietta. So of course we thought it 
must be you. 

miss fanny (who has looked out). I can 
discern her in the shrubbery still. She is 
decidedly taller than Phoebe. 

miss Henrietta. I thought she looked 
taller. I meant to say so. Phoebe, 'twas the 
cloak deceived us. We could not see her face. 

phoebe {beginning to understand). Cloak? 
You mean, Henrietta — you mean, Fanny 

miss fanny. 'Twas wicked of us, my dear, 
but we — we thought that you and Miss Livvy 
were the same person. ( They have evidently been 
stalking charlotte in miss phoebe's cloak. 
miss susan shudders, but miss phoebe utters a 



in.] QUALITY STREET 89 

cry of reproach, and it is some time before they can 
persuade her to forgive them. It is of course also 
some time before we can forgive miss phoebe.) 
Phoebe, you look so pretty. Are they paying 
you no attentions, my dear? 

(phoebe is unable to resist these delight- 
ful openings. The imploring looks miss 
susan gives her but add to her enjoyment. 
It is as if the sense of fun she had caged a 
moment ago were broke loose again.) 
phoebe. Alas, they think of none but Livvy. 
They come to me merely to say that they adore 
her. 

miss Henrietta. Surely not Captain Brown ? 
phoebe. He is infatuate about her. 
miss fanny. Poor Phoebe ! 

{They make much of her, and she purrs 
naughtily to their stroking, with lightning 
peeps at miss susan. Affronted Pro- 
vidence seeks to pay her out by sending 
ensign blades into the tent. Then the 
close observer may see miss phoebe's 
heart sink like a bucket in a well, miss 
susan steals from the tent.) 



90 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss Henrietta. Mr. Blades, I have been 
saying that if I were a gentleman I would pay 
my addresses to Miss Phoebe much rather than 
to her niece. 

blades. Ma'am, excuse me. 

miss Henrietta (indignant that miss phoebe 
should be slighted so publicly). Sir, you are a 
most ungallant and deficient young man. 

blades. Really, ma'am, I assure you 

miss Henrietta. Not another word, sir. 

phoebe (in her most old-maidish manner). 
Miss Fanny, Miss Henrietta, it is time I spoke 
plainly to this gentleman. Please leave him to 
me. Surely 'twill come best from me. 

miss Henrietta. Indeed, yes, if it be not 
too painful to you. 

phoebe. I must do my duty. 

miss fanny (wistfully) . If we could remain — 

phoebe. Would it be seemly, Miss Fanny? 

miss Henrietta. Come, Fanny. (To 
blades.) Sir, you bring your punishment 
upon yourself. 

(They press phoebe's hand, and go. 
Her heart returns to its usual abode.) 



in.] QUALITY STREET 91 

blades (bewildered). Are you angry with me, 
Miss Livvy ? 

phoebe. Oh, no. 

blades. Miss Livvy, I have something to say 
to you of supreme importance to me. With 
regard to my complexion, I am aware, Miss 
Livvy, that it has retained a too youthful bloom. 
My brother officers comment on it with a certain 
lack of generosity. {Anxiously.) Might I in- 
quire, ma'am, whether you regard my com- 
plexion as a subject for light talk. 

phoebe. No indeed, sir, I only wish I had it. 
blades {who has had no intention of offering, 
bid is suddenly carried off his feet by the excellence 
of the opportunity, which is no doubt responsible 
for many proposals). Miss Livvy, ma'am, you 
may have it. 

{She has a great and humorous longing 
that she could turn before his affrighted 
eyes into the schoolmistress she really is. 
She would endure much to be able at this 
moment to say, 'I have listened to you, 
ensign blades, with attention, but I am 
really miss phoebe, and I must now re- 



92 QUALITY STREET [act 

quest you to fetch me the implement.' 
Under the shock, would he have sur- 
rendered his palm for punishment? It 
can never be known, for as she looks at 
him longingly, lieutenant spicer enters, 
and he mistakes the meaning of that longing 
look.) 
spicer. 'Tis my dance, ma'am — 'tis not 
Ensign Blades'. 

blades. Leave us, sir. We have matter of 
moment to discuss. 

spicer {fearing the worst) . His affection, Miss 
Livvy, is not so deep as mine. He is a light and 
shallow nature. 

phoebe. Pooh ! You are both light and 
shallow natures. 

blades. Both, ma'am ? {But he is not sure 
that lie has not had a miraculous escape.) 

phoebe {severely). 'Tis such as you, with your 
foolish flirting ways, that confuse the minds of 
women and make us try to be as silly as your- 
selves. 

spicer {crushed). Ma'am. 

phoebe. I did not mean to hurt you. {She 



in.] QUALITY STREET 93 

takes a hand of each and tries to advise them as if 
her curls were once more hidden under a cap.) 
You are so like little boys in a school. Do be 
good. Sit here beside me. I know you are 
very brave 

blades. Ha ! 

phoebe. And when you come back from the 
wars it must be so delightful to you to flirt with 
the ladies again. 

spicer. Oh, ma'am. 

phoebe. As soon as you see a lady with a 
pretty nose you cannot help saying that you 
adore her. 

blades {in an ecstasy). Nay, I swear. 

phoebe. And you offer to her, not from 
love, but because you are so deficient in 
conversation. 

spicer. Charming, Miss Livvy. 

phoebe {with sudden irritation). Oh, sir, go 
away; go away, both of you, and read improving 
books. 

{They are cast down. She has not been 
quite fair to these gallants, for it is not 
really of them she has grown weary so much 



94 QUALITY STREET [act 

as of the lady they temporarily adore. If 
Miss phoebe were to analyse her feelings 
she would find that her remark is addressed 
to livvy, and that it means, 'I have en- 
joyed for a little pretending to be you, but I 
am not you and I do not wish to be you. 
Your glitter and the airs of you and 
the racket of you tire me, I want to be done 
with you, and to be back in quiet Quality 
Street, of which I am a part; it is really 
pleasant to me to know that I shall wake up 
to-morrow slightly middle-aged.' With the 
entrance of captain brown, however, she 
is at once a frivol again. He frowns at 
sight of her cavaliers.) 

valentine. Gentlemen, I instructed this 
lady to rest, and I am surprised to find you in 
attendance. Miss Livvy, you must be weary 
of their fatuities, and I have taken the liberty to 
order your chaise. 

phoebe. It is indeed a liberty. 

blades. An outrage. 

phoebe. I prefer to remain. 

valentine. Nay. 



in.] QUALITY STREET 95 

phoebe. I promised this dance to Ensign 
Blades. 

spicer. To me, ma'am. 
phoebe. And the following one to Lieutenant 
Spicer. Mr. Blades, your arm. 

valentine. I forbid any further dancing. 
phoebe. Forbid. La ! 

blades. Sir, by what right 

valentine. By a right which I hope to make 
clear to Miss Livvy as soon as you gentlemen 
have retired. 

(phoebe sees that the declaration is coming. 

She steels herself.) 

phoebe. I am curious to know what Captain 

Brown can have to say to me. In a few minutes, 

Mr. Blades, Lieutenant Spicer, I shall be at your 

service. 

valentine. I trust not. 
phoebe. I give them my word. 

{The young gentlemen retire, treading air 
once more, brown surveys her rather 
grimly.) 
valentine. You are an amazing pretty girl, 
ma'am, but you are a shocking flirt. 



96 QUALITY STREET [act 

PHOEBE. La ! 

valentine. It has somewhat diverted me 
to watch them go down before you. But I 
know you have a kind heart, and that if there be 
a rapier in your one hand there is a handkerchief 
in the other ready to staunch their wounds. 

phoebe. I have not observed that they bled 
much. 

valentine. The Blades and the like, no. 
But one may, perhaps. 

phoebe [obviously the reference is to himself). 
Perhaps I may wish to see him bleed. 

valentine {grown stem). For shame, Miss 

Livvy. {Anger rises in her, but she wishes him to 

proceed.) I speak, ma'am, in the interests of 

the man to whom I hope to see you affianced. 

{No, she does not wish him to proceed. She 

had esteemed him for so long, she cannot 

have him debase himself before her now.) 

phoebe. Shall we — I have changed my 
mind, I consent to go home. Please to say 
nothing. 

valentine. Nay 

phoebe. I beg you. 



in] QUALITY STREET 97 

valentine. No. We must have it out. 

phoebe. Then if you must go on, do so. But 
remember I begged you to desist. Who is this 
happy man ? 

{His next words are a great shock to her.) 

valentine. As to who he is, ma'am, of 
course I have no notion. Nor, I am sure, have 
you, else you would be more guarded in your 
conduct. But some day, Miss Livvy, the right 
man will come. Not to be able to tell him all, 
would it not be hard? And how could you 
acquaint him with this poor sport? His face 
would change, ma'am, as you told him of it, and 
yours would be a false face until it was told. 
This is what I have been so desirous to say to 
you — by the right of a friend. 

phoebe (in a low voice but bravely). I see. 

valentine {afraid that he has hurt her) . It has 
been hard to say and I have done it bunglingly. 
Ah, but believe me, Miss Livvy, it is not the 
flaunting flower men love; it is the modest 
violet. 

phoebe. The modest violet! You dare to 
say that. 



98 QUALITY STREET [act 

valentine. Yes, indeed, and when you are 
acquaint with what love really is 

phoebe. Love ! What do you know of love ? 

valentine {a little complacently). Why, 
ma'am, I know all about it. I am in love, Miss 
Livvy. 

phoebe {with a disdainful inclination of the 
head). I wish you happy. 

valentine. With a lady who was once very 
like you, ma'am. 

{At first phoebe does not understand, 
then a suspicion of his meaning comes 
to her.) 

phoebe. Not — not — oh no. 

valentine. I had not meant to speak of it, 
but why should not I ? It will be a fine lesson 
to you, Miss Liwy. Ma'am, it is your Aunt 
Phoebe whom I love. 

phoebe {rigid). You do not mean that. 

valentine. Most ardently. 

phoebe. It is not true; how dare you make 
sport of her. 

valentine. Is it sport to wish she may be 
my wife? 



in.] QUALITY STREET 99 

phoebe. Your wife ! 

valentine. If I could win her. 

phoebe {bewildered). May I solicit, sir, for 
how long you have been attached to Miss 
Phoebe? 

valentine. For nine years, I think. 

phoebe. You think ! 

valentine. I want to be honest. Never in 
all that time had I thought myself in love. Your 
aunts were my dear friends, and while I was at 
the wars we sometimes wrote to each other, but 
they were only friendly letters. I presume the 
affection was too placid to be love. 

phoebe. I think that would be Aunt Phoebe's 
opinion. 

valentine. Yet I remember, before we went 
into action for the first time — I suppose the fear 
of death was upon me — some of them were 
making their wills — I have no near relative — I 
left everything to these two ladies. 

phoebe (softly). Did you? 

(What is it that miss phoebe begins to see 
as she sits there so quietly, with her hands 
'pressed together as if upon some treasure? 



100 QUALITY STREET [act 

It is phoebe of the ringlets with the stain 
taken out of her.) 

valentine. And when I returned a week 
ago and saw Miss Phoebe, grown so tired-looking 
and so poor 

phoebe. The shock made you feel old, I 
know. 

valentine. No, Miss Livvy, but it filled me 
with a sudden passionate regret that I had not 
gone down in that first engagement. They 
would have been very comfortably left. 

phoebe. Oh, sir ! 

valentine. I am not calling it love. 

phoebe. It was sweet and kind, but it was 
not love. 

valentine. It is love now. 

phoebe. No, it is only pity. 

VALENTINE. It is love. 

phoebe (she smiles tremulously). You really 
mean Phoebe — tired, unattractive Phoebe, that 
woman whose girlhood is gone. Nay, im- 
possible. 

valentine (stouthj). Phoebe of the fascinat- 
ing playful ways, whose ringlets were once as 



in.] QUALITY STREET 101 

pretty as yours, ma'am. I have visited her in 
her home several times this week — you were 
always out — I thank you for that ! I was alone 
with her, and with fragrant memories of her. 

phoebe. Memories ! Yes, that is the Phoebe 
you love, the bright girl of the past — not the 
schoolmistress in her old-maid's cap. 

valentine. There you wrong me, for I have 
discovered for myself that the schoolmistress in 
her old-maid's cap is the noblest Miss Phoebe of 
them all. (// only he would go away, and let miss 
phoebe cry.) When I enlisted, I remember I 
compared her to a garden. I have often thought 
of that. 

phoebe. 'Tis an old garden now. 

valentine. The paths, ma'am, are better 
shaded. 

phoebe. The flowers have grown old- 
fashioned. 

valentine. They smell the sweeter. Miss 
Livvy, do you think there is any hope for me ? 

phoebe. There was a man whom Miss Phoebe 
loved — long ago. He did not love her. 

valentine. Now here was a fool ! 



102 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. He kissed her once. 

valentine. If Miss Phoebe suffered him to 
do that she thought he loved her. 

phoebe. Yes, yes. (She has to ask him the 
ten years old question.) Do you opinion that 
this makes her action in allowing it less repre- 
hensible? It has been such a pain to her ever 
since. 

valentine. How like Miss Phoebe! 
(Sternly.) But that man was a knave. 

phoebe. No, he was a good man — only a 
little — inconsiderate. She knows now that he 
has even forgotten that he did it. I suppose 
men are like that ? 

valentine. No, Miss Livvy, men are not 
like that. I am a very average man, but I 
thank God I am not like that. 

phoebe. It was you. 

valentine (after a pause). Did Miss Phoebe 
say that? 

phoebe. Yes. 

valentine. Then it is true. 
(He is very grave and quiet.) 

phoebe. It was raining and her face was 



in.] QUALITY STREET 103 

wet. You said you did it because her face 
was wet. 

valentine. I had quite forgotten. 

phoebe. But she remembers, and how often 
do you think the shameful memory has made her 
face wet since? The face you love, Captain 
Brown, you were the first to give it pain. The 
tired eyes — how much less tired they might be 
if they had never known you. You who are 
torturing me with every word, what have you 
done to Miss Phoebe ? You who think you can 
bring back the bloom to that faded garden, and 
all the pretty airs and graces that fluttered 
round it once like little birds before the nest 
is torn down — bring them back to her if you can, 
sir; it was you who took them away. 

valentine. I vow I shall do my best to bring 
them back, (miss phoebe shakes her head.) 
Miss Livvy, with your help 

phoebe. My help ! I have not helped. I 
tried to spoil it all. 

valentine (smiling). To spoil it? You 
mean that you sought to flirt even with me. Ah, 
I knew you did. But that is nothing. 



104 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. Oh, sir, if you amid overlook 
it. 

VALENTINE. I do. 

phoebe. And forget these hateful balls. 

valentine. Hateful ! Nay, I shall never 
call them that. They have done me too great a 
service. It was at the balls that I fell in love 
with Miss Phoebe. 

phoebe. What can you mean? 

valentine. She who was never at a ball ! 
{Checking himself humorously.) But I must not 
tell you, it might hurt you. 

phoebe. Tell me. 

valentine {gaily). Then on your own head 
be the blame. It is you who have made me love 
her, Miss Livvy. 

phoebe. Sir ? 

valentine. Yes, it is odd, and yet very 
simple. You who so resembled her as she was ! 
for an hour, ma'am, you bewitched me; yes, I 
confess it, but 'twas only for an hour. How 
like, I cried at first, but soon it was, how unlike. 
There was almost nothing she would have said 
that you said; you did so much that she would 



in.] QUALITY STREET 105 

have scorned to do. But I must not say these 
things to you ! 

phoebe. I ask it of you, Captain Brown. 

valentine. Well! Miss Phoebe's 'lady- 
likeness,' on which she set such store that I used 
to make merry of the word— I gradually per- 
ceived that it is a woman's most beautiful 
garment, and the casket which contains all the 
adorable qualities that go to the making of a 
perfect female. When Miss Livvy rolled her 
eyes — ah ! 

(He stops apologetically.) 

phoebe. Proceed, sir. 

valentine. It but made me the more com- 
placent that never in her life had Miss Phoebe 
been guilty of the slightest deviation from the 
strictest propriety. (She shudders.) I was 
always conceiving her in your place. Oh, it was 
monstrous unfair to you. I stood looking at 
you, Miss Livvy, and seeing in my mind her and 
the pretty things she did, and you did not do; 
why, ma'am, that is how I fell in love with Miss 
Phoebe at the balls. 

phoebe. I thank you. 



106 QUALITY STREET [act 

valentine. Ma'am, tell me, do you think 
there is any hope for me ? 

phoebe. Hope ! 

valentine. I shall go to her. 'Miss 

Phoebe,' I will say — oh, ma'am, so reverently — 

'Miss Phoebe, my beautiful, most estimable of 

women, let me take care of you for ever more.' 

(miss phoebe presses ilie words to her 

heart and then drops them.) 

phoebe. Beautiful. La, Aunt Phoebe ! 

valentine. Ah, ma'am, you may laugh at a 
rough soldier so much enamoured, but 'tis true. 
'Marry me, Miss Phoebe,' I will say, 'and I will 
take you back through those years of hardships 
that have made your sweet eyes too patient. 
Instead of growing older you shall grow younger. 
We will travel back together to pick up the 
many little joys and pleasures you had to 
pass by when you trod that thorny path 
alone.' 

phoebe. Can't be — can't be. 

valentine. Nay, Miss Phoebe has loved me. 
'Tis you have said it. 

phoebe. I did not mean to tell you. 



in.] QUALITY STREET 107 

valentine. She will be my wife yet. 

phoebe. Never. 

valentine. You are severe, Miss Livvy. 
But it is because you are partial to her, and I 
am happy of that. 

phoebe (in growing horror of herself). I 
partial to her ! I am laughing at both of you. 
Miss Phoebe. La, that old thing. 

valentine (sternly) . Silence ! 

phoebe. I hate her and despise her. If you 

knew what she is 

(He stops her with a gesture.) 

valentine. I know what you are. 

phoebe. That paragon who has never been 
guilty of the slightest deviation from the strictest 
propriety. 

valentine. Never. 

phoebe. That garden 

valentine. Miss Livvy, for shame. 

phoebe. Your garden has been destroyed, 
sir; the weeds have entered it, and all the 
flowers are choked. 

valentine. You false woman, what do you 
mean ? 



108 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. I will tell you. {But his confidence 
awes her.) What faith you have in her. 
valentine. As in my God. Speak. 
phoebe. I cannot tell you. 
valentine. No, you cannot. 
phoebe. It is too horrible. 
valentine. You are too horrible. Is not 
that it? 

phoebe. Yes, that is it. 

(miss susan has entered and caught the 
last words.) 
miss susan {shrinking as from a coming blow). 
What is too horrible ? 

valentine. Ma'am, I leave the telling of it 
to her, if she dare. And I devoutly hope those 
are the last words I shall ever address to this 
lady. 

{He bows and goes out in dudgeon, miss 

susan believes all is discovered and that 

miss phoebe is for ever shamed.) 

Miss susan {taking phoebe in her arms). My 

love, my dear, what terrible thing has he said to 

you? 

phoebe {forgetting everything but that she is 



in.] QUALITY STREET 109 

loved). Not terrible — glorious! Susan, 'tis 
Phoebe he loves, 'tis me, not Livvy ! He loves 
me, he loves me ! Me — Phoebe ! 

(miss susan's bosom swells. It is her 
great hour as much as phoebe's.) 

End of Act HI. 



ACT IV 



ACT IV 
THE BLUE AND WHITE ROOM 

If we could shut our eyes to the two sisters sitting here 
in woe, this would be, to the male eye at least, the 
identical blue and white room of ten years ago ; the 
same sun shining into it and playing familiarly with 
Miss Susan's treasures. But the ladies are changed. 
It is not merely that Miss Phoebe has again donned her 
schoolmistress's gown and hidden her curls under the 
cap. To see her thus once more, her real self, after the 
escapade of the ball, is not unpleasant, and the cap and 
gown do not ill become the quiet room. But she now 
turns guiltily from the sun that used to be her intimate, 
her face is drawn, her form condensed into the smallest 
space, and her hands lie trembling in her lap. It is 
disquieting to note that any life there is in the room 
comes not from her but from Miss Susan. If the 
house were to go on fire now it would be she who would 
have to carry out Miss Phoebe. 

Whatever of import has happened since the ball, 
Patty knmvs it, and is enjoying it. We see this as she 
113 



114 QUALITY STREET [act 

ushers in Miss Willoughby. Note also, with concern, 
that at mention of the visitor's name the eyes of the 
sisters turn affrightedly, not to the door by which 
their old friend enters, but to the closed door of the 
spare bed-chamber. Patty also gives it a meaning 
glance ; then the three look at each other, and two of 
them blanch. 



miss willoughby {the fourth to look at the 
door). I am just run across, Susan, to inquire 
how Miss Livvy does now. 

miss susan. She is still very poorly, Mary. 

miss willoughby. I am so unhappy of that. 
I conceive it to be a nervous disorder ? 

miss susan {almost too glibly). Accompanied 
by trembling, flutterings, and spasms. 

miss willoughby. The excitements of the 
ball. You have summoned the apothecary at 
last, I trust, Phoebe ? 

(miss phoebe, once so ready of defence, 
can say nothing.) 

miss susan {to the rescue). It is Livvy's own 
wish that he should not be consulted. 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 115 

miss willoughby (looking longingly at the 
door). May I go in to see her ? 

miss susan. I fear not, Mary. She is almost 
asleep, and it is best not to disturb her. (Peep- 
ing into the bedroom.) Lie quite still, Livvy, my 
love, quite still. 

(Somehow this makes patty smile so 

broadly that she finds it advisable to retire. 

miss willoughby sighs, and produces a 

small bowl from the folds of her cloak.) 

miss willoughby. This is a little arrowroot, 

of which I hope Miss Livvy will be so obliging as 

to partake. 

miss susan (taking the bowl). I thank you, 
Mary. 

phoebe (ashamed). Susan, we ought not 

miss susan (shameless). I will take it to her 
while it is still warm. 

(She goes into the bedroom, miss wil- 
loughby gazes at miss phoebe, who 
certainly shrinks. It has not escaped the 
notice of the visitor that miss phoebe has 
become the more timid of the sisters, and 
she has evolved an explanation.) 



116 QUALITY STREET [act 



miss willoughby. Phoebe, has Captain 
Brown been apprised of Miss Livvy 's illness ? 

phoebe {uncomfortably). I think not, Miss 
Willoughby. 

miss willoughby (sorry for phoebe, and 
speaking very kindly). Is this right, Phoebe? 
You informed Fanny and Henrietta at the ball 
of his partiality for Livvy. My dear, it is hard 
for you, but have you any right to keep them 
apart ? 

phoebe (discovering only now what are the 
suspicions of her friends). Is that what you 
think I am doing, Miss Willoughby ? 

miss willoughby. Such a mysterious ill- 
ness. (Sweetly) Long ago, Phoebe, I once 
caused much unhappiness through foolish 
jealousy. That is why I venture to hope that 
you will not be as I was, my dear. 

phoebe. I jealous of Livvy ! 

miss willoughby (with a sigh). I thought 
as little of the lady I refer to, but he thought 
otherwise. 

phoebe. Indeed, Miss Willoughby, you 
wrong me. 



iv] QUALITY STREET 117 

(But miss willoughby does not entirely 
believe her, and there is a pause, so long 
a pause that unfortunately miss susan 
thinks she has left the house.) 
miss susan (peeping in) . Is she gone ? 
miss willoughby (hurt). No, Susan, but I 
am going. 
miss susan (distressed). Mary! 

(She follows her out, but miss willoughby 

will not be comforted, and there is a coldness 

between them for the rest of the day. miss 

susan is not so abashed as she ought to 

be. She returns, and partakes with avidity 

of the arrowroot.) 

miss susan. Phoebe, I am well aware that 

this is wrong of me, but Mary's arrowroot is so 

delicious. The ladies'-fingers and petticoat-tails 

those officers sent to Livvy, I ate them also ! 

(Once on a time this would Jiave amused miss 

phoebe, but her sense of humour has gone. She 

is crying.) Phoebe, if you have such remorse 

you will weep yourself to death. 

phoebe. Oh, sister, were it not for you, how 
gladly would I go into a decline. 



118 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss susan {after she has sooihed phoebe a 
little). My dear, what is to be done about her ? 
We cannot have her supposed to be here for 
ever. 

phoebe. We had to pretend that she was ill 
to keep her out of sight; and now we cannot say 
she has gone away, for the Miss Willoughby's 
windows command our door, and they are 
always watching. 

miss susan {peeping from the window). I see 
Fanny watching now. I feel, Phoebe, as if 
Livvy really existed. 

phoebe {mournfully) . We shall never be able 
to esteem ourselves again. 

miss susan {who has in her the makings of a 
desperate criminal). Phoebe, why not marry 
him? If only we could make him think that 
Livvy had gone home. Then he need never 
know. 

phoebe. Susan, you pain me. She who 
marries without telling all — hers must ever be a 
false face. They are his own words. 
(patty enters importantly.) 

patty. Captain Brown. 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 119 

phoebe {starting up). I wrote to him, begging 
him not to come. 

miss susan (quickly). Patty, I am sorry we 
are out. 

(But valentine has entered in time to 
hear her words.) 
valentine (not unmindful that this is the room 
in which he is esteemed a wit) . I regret that they 
are out, Patty, but I will await their return. 
(The astonishing man sits on the ottoman 
beside miss susan, but politely ignores her 
presence.) It is not my wish to detain you, 
Patty. 

(patty goes reluctantly, and the sisters 
think how like him, and hoic delightful it 
would be if they were still the patterns of 
propriety he considers them.) 
phoebe (bravely). Captain Brown. 
valentine (rising). You, Miss Phoebe. I 
hear Miss Liwy is indisposed ? 
phoebe. She is — very poorly. 
valentine. But it is not that unpleasant 
girl I have come to see, it is you. 

miss susan (meekly). How do you do? 



120 QUALITY STREET [act 

valentine (ignoring her). And I am happy, 
Miss Phoebe, to find you alone. 

miss susan (appealingly) . How do you do, 
sir? 

phoebe. You know quite well, sir, that 
Susan is here. 

valentine. Nay, ma'am, excuse me. I heard 
Miss Susan say she was gone out. Miss Susan is 
incapable of prevarication. 

miss susan (rising — helpless). What am I to 
do? 

phoebe. Don't go, Susan — 'tis what he 
wants. 

valentine. I have her word that she is not 
present. 

miss susan. Oh dear. 

valentine. My faith in Miss Susan is 
absolute. (At this she retires into the bedroom, 
and immediately his manner changes. He takes 
miss phoebe's hands into his own kind ones.) 
You coward, Miss Phoebe, to be afraid of 
Valentine Brown. 

phoebe. I wrote and begged you not to 
come. 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 121 

valentine. You implied as a lover, Miss 
Phoebe, but surely always as a friend. 

phoebe. Oh yes, yes. 

valentine. You told Miss Livvy that you 
loved me once. How carefully you hid it from 



me 



phoebe (more firmly). A woman must 
never tell. You went away to the great 
battles. I was left to fight in a little 
one. Women have a flag to fly, Mr. Brown, 
as well as men, and old maids have a flag 
as well as women. I tried to keep mine 
flying. 

valentine. But you ceased to care for 
me. (Tenderly.) I dare ask your love no 
more, but I still ask you to put yourself into 
my keeping. Miss Phoebe, let me take care 
of you. 

phoebe. It cannot be. 

valentine. This weary teaching ! Let me 
close your school. 

phoebe. Please, sir. 

valentine. If not for your own sake, I ask 
you, Miss Phoebe, to do it for mine. In memory 



122 QUALITY STREET [act 

of the thoughtless recruit who went off laugh- 
ing to the wars. They say ladies cannot 
quite forget the man who has used them 
ill; Miss Phoebe, do it for me because I used 
you ill. 

phoebe. I beg you — no more. 

valentine {manfully). There, it is all ended. 
Miss Phoebe, here is my hand on it. 

phoebe. What will you do now ? 

valentine. I also must work. I will become 
a physician again, with some drab old house- 
keeper to neglect me and the house. Do you 
foresee the cobwebs gathering and gathering, 
Miss Phoebe ? 

phoebe. Oh, sir ! 

valentine. You shall yet see me in Quality 
Street, wearing my stock all awry. 

phoebe. Oh, oh ! 

valentine. And with snuff upon my sleeve. 

phoebe. Sir, sir ! 

valentine. No skulker, ma'am, I hope, but 
gradually turning into a grumpy, crusty, bottle- 
nosed old bachelor. 

phoebe. Oh, Mr. Brown ! 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 123 

valentine. And all because you will not 
walk across the street with me. 

phoebe. Indeed, sir, you must marry — and 
I hope it may be some one who is really like a 
garden. 

valentine. I know but one. That reminds 
me, Miss Phoebe, of something I had forgot. 
(He "produces a paper from his pocket.) 'Tis a 
trifle I have wrote about you. But I fear to 
trouble you. 

(phoebe's hands go out longingly for it.) 

phoebe (reading). 'Lines to a Certain Lady, 
who is Modestly unaware of her Resemblance to 
a Garden. Wrote by her servant, V. B.' 

(The beauty of this makes her falter. She 
looks up.) 

valentine (with a poet's pride). There is 
more of it, ma'am. 

phoebe (reading) 

The lilies are her pretty thoughts, 
Her shoulders are the may, 

Her smiles are all forget-me-nots, 
The path 's her gracious way, 



124 QUALITY STREET [act 

The roses that do line it are 
Her fancies walking round, 

'Tis sweetly smelling lavender 
In which my lady's gowned. 

(miss phoebe has thought herself strong, 
but she is not able to read such exquisite 
lines without betraying herself to a lover's 
gaze.) 
valentine (excitedly). Miss Phoebe, when 
did you cease to care for me ? 

phoebe {retreating from him but clinging to her 
poem). You promised not to ask. 

valentine. I know not why you should, 
Miss Phoebe, but I believe you love me still ! 

(miss phoebe has the terrified appearance 
of a detected felon .) 
(miss susan returns.) 
miss susan. You are talking so loudly. 
valentine. Miss Susan, does she care for me 
still? 

miss susan (forgetting her pride of sex). Oh, 
sir, how could she help it. 

valentine. Then by Gad, Miss Phoebe, you 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 125 

shall marry me though I have to carry you in 
my arms to the church. 

phoebe. Sir, how can you ! 

(But miss susan gives her a look which 
means that it must be dene if only to avoid 
such a scandal. It is at this inopportune 
moment that miss Henrietta and miss 
fanny are announced.) 
miss Henrietta. I think Miss Willoughby 
has already popped in. 

phoebe (with a little spirit). Yes, indeed. 
miss susan (a mistress of sarcasm). How is 
Mary, Fanny ? She has not been to see us for 
several minutes. 

miss fanny (somewhat daunted). Mary is so 
partial to you, Susan. 

valentine. Your servant, Miss Henrietta, 
Miss Fanny. 

miss fanny. How do you do, sir ? 
miss Henrietta (wistftdly). And how do you 
find Miss Livvy, sir ? 

valentine. I have not seen her, Miss 
Henrietta. 

miss Henrietta. Indeed ! 



126 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss fanny. Not even you ? 

valentine. You seern surprised ? 

miss fanny. Nay, sir, you must not say so; 
but really, Phoebe ! 

phoebe. Fanny, you presume ! 

valentine (puzzled). If one of you ladies 
would deign to enlighten me. To begin with, 
what is Miss Livvy's malady ? 

miss Henrietta. He does not know? Oh, 
Phoebe. 

valentine. Ladies, have pity on a dull man, 
and explain. . 

miss fanny (timidly) . Please not to ask us to 
explain. I fear we have already said more than 
was proper. Phoebe, forgive. 

(To captain brown this but adds to the 
mystery, and he looks to phoebe for 
enlightenment.) 

phoebe (desperate). I understand, sir, there is 
a belief that I keep Livvy in confinement because 
of your passion for her. 

valentine. My passion for Miss Livvy? 
Why, Miss Fanny, I cannot abide her — nor 
she me. (Looking manfully at miss phoebe.) 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 127 

Furthermore, I am proud to tell you that this is 
the lady whom I adore. 
miss fanny. Phoebe? 
valentine. Yes, ma'am. 

(The ladies are for a moment bereft of 
speech, and the uplifted phoebe cannot 
refrain from a movement which, if com- 
pleted, would be a curtsy. Her punish- 
ment follows promptly.) 
miss Henrietta (from, her heart) . Phoebe, I 
am so happy 'tis you. 

miss fanny. Dear Phoebe, I give you joy. 
And you also, sir. (miss phoebe sends her sister 
a glance of unutterable woe, and escapes from the 
room. It is most ill-bred of her.) Miss Susan, I 
do not understand ! 

miss Henrietta. Is it that Miss Livvy is an 
obstacle ? 

miss susan (who knotvs that there is no hope for 
her but inflight). I think I hear Phoebe calling 
me — a sudden indisposition. Pray excuse me, 
Henrietta. (She goes.) 

miss Henrietta. We know not, sir, whether 
to offer you our felicitations ? 



128 QUALITY STREET [act 

valentine (cogitating). May I ask, ma'am, 
what you mean by an obstacle ? Is there some 
mystery about Miss Livvy ? 

miss Henrietta. So much so, sir, that we at 
one time thought she and Miss Phoebe were the 
same person. 

valentine. Pshaw ! 

miss fanny. Why will they admit no 
physician into her presence ? 

miss Henrietta. The blinds of her room are 
kept most artfully drawn. 

miss fanny (plaintively). We have never 
seen her, sir. Neither Miss Susan nor Miss 
Phoebe will present her to us. 
valentine (impressed). Indeed. 

(miss Henrietta and miss fanny, en- 
couraged by his sympathy, draw nearer the 
door of the interesting bedchamber. They 
falter. Any one who thinks, however, that 
they would so far forget themselves as to open 
the door and peep in, has no understand- 
ing of the ladies of Quality Street. They 
are, nevertheless, not perfect, for miss 
Henrietta knocks on the door.) 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 129 

miss Henrietta. How do you find yourself, 
dear Miss Livvy ? 

{There is no answer. It is our pride to 
record that they come away without even 
touching the handle. They look appealing 
at captain brown, ivhose face has growii 
grave.) 

valentine. I think, ladies, as a physician 

(He walks into the bedroom. They feel 
an ignoble drawing to follow him, but do not 
yield to it. When he returns his face is 
inscrutable.) 

miss Henrietta. Is she very poorly, sir? 

VALENTINE. Ha. 

miss fanny. We did not hear you address 
her. 

valentine. She is not awake, ma'am. 

miss Henrietta. It is provoking. 

miss fanny (sternly just). They informed 
Mary that she was nigh asleep. 

valentine. It is not a serious illness I think, 
ma'am. With the permission of Miss Phoebe 
and Miss Susan I will make myself more acquaint 
with her disorder presently. (He is desirous to 



130 QUALITY STREET [act 

be alone.) But we must not talk lest we disturb 
her. 

miss fanny. You suggest our retiring, sir ? 

valentine. Nay, Miss Fanny 

miss fanny. You are very obliging; but I 

think, Henrietta 

miss Henrietta {rising). Yes, Fanny. 

(No doubt th y are the more ready to 

depart that they wish to inform miss 

willoughby at once of these strange 

doings. As they go, miss susan and 

miss phoebe return, and the adieux 

are less elaborate than usual. Neither 

visitors nor hostesses quite know what 

to say. miss susan is merely relieved 

to see them leave, but miss phoebe has 

read something in their manner that makes 

her uneasy.) 

phoebe. Why have they departed so 

hurriedly, sir? They — they did not go in to 

see Li wy ? 

VALENTINE. No. 

(She reads danger in his face.) 
phoebe. Why do you look at me so strangely ? 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 131 

valentine (somewhat stern). Miss Phoebe, I 
desire to see Miss Livvy. 

phoebe. Impossible. 

valentine. Why impossible ? They tell me 
strange stories about no one's seeing her. Miss 
Phoebe, I will not leave this house until I have 
seen her. 

phoebe. You cannot. (But he is very de- 
termined, and she is afraid of him.) Will you 
excuse me, sir, while I talk with Susan behind 
the door ? 

(The sisters go guiltily into the bedroom, 
and captain brown after some hesitation 
rings for patty.) 

valentine. Patty, come here. Why is this 
trick being played upon me ? 

patty (with all her wits about her). Trick, 
sir ! Who would dare ? 

valentine. I know, Patty, that Miss Phoebe 
has been Miss Livvy all the time. 

patty. I give in ! 

valentine. Why has she done this ? 

patty (beseechingly). Are you laughing, sir? 

valentine. I am very far from laughing. 



132 QUALITY STREET [act 

patty {turning on him). 'Twas you that 
began it, all by not knowing her in the white 
gown. 

valentine. Why has this deception been 
kept up so long ? 

patty. Because you would not see through 
it. Oh, the wicked denseness. She thought 
you were infatuate with Miss Livvy because she 
was young and silly. 

valentine. It is infamous. 

patty. I will not have you call her names. 
'Twas all playful innocence at first, and now she 
is so feared of you she is weeping her soul to 
death, and all I do I cannot rouse her. 'I ha' 
a follower in the kitchen, ma'am,' says I, to 
infuriate her. 'Give him a glass of cowslip 
wine,' says she, like a gentle lamb. And ill 
she can afford it, you having lost their money 
for them. 

valentine. What is that ? On the contrary, 
all the money they have, Patty, they owe to my 
having invested it for them. 

patty. That is the mone3 r they lost. 

valentine. You are sure of that ? 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 133 

patty. I can swear to it. 

valentine. Deceived me about that also. 
Good God; but why? 

patty. I think she was feared you would 
offer to her out of pity. She said something to 
Miss Susan about keeping a flag flying. What 
she meant I know not. {But he knows, and he 
turns aivay his face.) Are you laughing, sir? 

valentine. No, Patty, I am not laughing. 
Why do they not say Miss Livvy has gone home ? 
It would save them a world of trouble. 

patty. The Misses Willoughby and Miss 
Henrietta — they watch the house all day. They 
would say she cannot be gone, for we did not see 
her go. 

valentine {enlightened at last). I see ! 

patty. And Miss Phoebe and Miss Susan 
wring their hands, for they are feared Miss 
Livvy is bedridden here for all time. {Now his 
sense of humour asserts itself) . Thank the Lord, 
you 're laughing ! 

{At this he laughs the more, and it is a gay 
captain brown on whom miss susan 
opens the bedroom door. This desperate 



134 QUALITY STREET [act 

woman is too full of plot to ioote the change 
in him.) 

miss susan. I am happy to inform you, sir, 
that Liwy finds herself much improved. 

valentine {bowing). It is joy to me to hear 
it. 

miss susan. She is coming in to see you. 

patty {aghast). Oh, ma'am ! 

valentine {frowning on patty). I shall be 
happy to see the poor invalid. 

patty. Ma'am ! 

{But miss susan, believing that so far all 
is well, has returned to the bedchamber. 
captain brown bestows a quizzical glance 
upon the maid.) 

valentine. Go away, Patty. Anon I may 
claim a service of you, but for the present, go. 

patty. But — but 

valentine. Retire, woman. 

{She has to go, and he prepares his face for 
the reception of the invalid, phoebe 
comes in without her cap, the ringlets 
showing again. She wears a dressing 
jacket and is supported by miss susan.) 



iv] QUALITY STREET 135 

valentine {gravely). Your servant, Miss 
Livvy. 

phoebe (weakly) . How do you do ? 
valentine. Allow me, Miss Susan. 

(He takes miss susan's place; but after 
an exquisite moment miss phoebe breaks 
avmy from him, feeling that she is not 
worthy of such bliss.) 
phoebe. No, no, I — I can walk alone — see. 

(She reclines upon the couch.) 
miss susan. How do you think she is 
looking ? 

(He makes a professional examination 
of the patient, and they are very ashamed 
to deceive him, but not so ashamed that they 
must confess.) 
What do you think ? 

valentine (solemnly). She will recover. 
May I say, ma'am, it surprises me that any one 
should see much resemblance between you and 
your Aunt Phoebe. Miss Phoebe is decidedly 
shorter and more thick-set. 

phoebe (sitting up). No, I am not. 
valentine. I said Miss Phoebe, ma'am. 



136 QUALITY STREET [act 

(She reclines.) But tell me, is not Miss Phoebe to 
join us ? 

phoebe. She hopes you will excuse her, sir. 

miss susan (vaguely). Taking the opportunity 
of airing the room. 

valentine. Ah, of course. 

miss susan (opening bedroom door and calling 
mendaciously). Captain Brown will excuse you, 
Phoebe. 

valentine. Certainly, Miss Susan. Well, 
ma'am, I think I could cure Miss Liwy if she 
is put unreservedly into my hands. 

miss susan (with a sigh). I am sure you could. 

valentine. Then you are my patient, Miss 
Liwy. 

phoebe (nervously). 'Twas but a passing 
indisposition, I am almost quite recovered. 

valentine. Nay, you still require attention. 
Do you propose making a long stay in Quality 
Street, ma'am? 

phoebe. I — I — I hope not. It — it depends. 

miss susan (forgetting Jierself). Mary is the 
worst. 

valentine. I ask your pardon ? 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 137 

phoebe. Aunt Susan, you are excited. 

valentine. But you are quite right, Miss 
Livvy; home is the place for you. 

phoebe. Would that I could go ! 

valentine. You are going. 

phoebe. Yes — soon. 

valentine. Indeed, I have a delightful sur- 
prise for you, Miss Livvy, you are going to-day. 

phoebe. To-day ? 

valentine. Not merely to-day, but now. 
As it happens, my carriage is standing idle at 
your door, and I am to take you in it to your 
home — some twenty miles if I remember. 

phoebe. You are to take me ? 

valentine. Nay, 'tis no trouble at all, and 
as your physician my mind is made up. Some 
wraps for her, Miss Susan. 

miss susan. But — but 

phoebe (in a panic). Sir, I decline to go. 

valentine. Come, Miss Livvy, you are in 
my hands. 

phoebe. I decline. I am most determined. 

valentine. You admit yourself that you are 
recovered. 



138 QUALITY STREET [act 

phoebe. I do not feel so well now. Aunt 
Susan ! 

miss susan. Sir 

valentine. If you wish to consult Miss 

Phoebe 

miss susan. Oh, no. 

valentine. Then the wraps, Miss Susan. 
phoebe. Auntie, don't leave me. 
valentine. What a refractory patient it is. 
But reason with her, Miss Susan, and I shall ask 
Miss Phoebe for some wraps. 
phoebe. Sir ! 

(To their consternation he goes cheerily 
into the bedroom, miss phoebe saves 
herself by instant flight, and nothing but 
mesmeric influence keeps miss susan 
rooted to the blue and white room. Wlien 
he returns he is loaded with wraps, and 
still cheerfully animated, as if he had 
found nothing untoward in liwy's bed- 
chamber.) 
valentine. I think these will do admirably, 
Miss Susan. 

miss susan. But Phoebe — — 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 139 

valentine. If I swathe Miss Livvy in 

these 

miss susan. Phoebe 



valentine. She is still busy airing the room. 
(The extraordinary man goes to the couch as if 
unable to perceive that its late occupant has gone, 
and miss susan watches him, fascinated.) Come, 
Miss Liwy, put these over you. Allow me — 
this one over your shoulders, so. Be so obliging 
as to lean on me. Be brave, ma'am, you 
cannot fall — my arm is round you; gently, 
gently, Miss Livvy; ah, that is better; we are 
doing famously; come, come. Good-bye, Miss 
Susan, I will take every care of her. 

(He has gone, with the bundle on his arm, 

but miss susan does not wake up. Even 

the banging of the outer door is unable to 

rouse Iter. It is heard, however, by miss 

phoebe, who steals bach into the room, 

her cap upon her head to give her 

courage.) 

phoebe. He is gone ! (miss susan's rapt 

face alarms her.) Oh, Susan, was he as dreadful 

as that? 



140 QUALITY STREET [act 

miss susan (in tones unnatural to her) . Phoebe, 
he knows all. 

phoebe. Yes, of course he knows all now. 
Sister, did his face change? Oh, Susan, what 
did he say ? 

miss susan. He said 'Good-bye, Miss 
Susan.' That was almost all he said. 

phoebe. Did his eyes flash fire ? 

miss susan. Phoebe, it was what he did. 
He — he took Livvy with him. 

phoebe. Susan, dear, don't say that. You 
are not distraught, are you ? 

miss susan (clinging to facts). He did; he 
wrapped her up in a shawl. 

phoebe. Susan ! You are Susan Throssel, 
my love. You remember me, don't you? 
Phoebe, your sister. I was Liwy also, you 
know, Liwy. 

miss susan. He took Livvy with him. 

phoebe (in woe). Oh, oh! sister, who am 
I? 

miss susan. You are Phoebe. 

phoebe. And who was Livvy? 

Miss susan. You were. 



iv] QUALITY STREET 141 

phoebe. Thank heaven. 

miss susan. But he took her away in the 
carriage. 

phoebe. Oh, dear ! (She has quite forgotten her 
own troubles now.) Susan, you will soon be well 
again. Dear, let us occupy our minds. Shall 
we draw up the advertisement for the reopening 
of the school ? 

miss susan. I do so hate the school. 

phoebe. Come, dear, come, sit down. Write, 
Susan. (Dictating.) ' The Misses Throssel have 
the pleasure to announce ' 

miss susan. Pleasure ! Oh, Phoebe. 

phoebe. 'That they will resume school on 
the 5th of next month. Music, embroidery, 
the backboard, and all the elegancies of the 
mind. Latin — shall we say algebra?' 

miss susan. I refuse to write algebra. 

phoebe. — for beginners. 

miss susan. I refuse. There is only one 
thing I can write; it writes itself in my head all 
day. 'Miss Susan Throssel presents her com- 
pliments to the Misses Willoughby and Miss 
Henrietta Turnbull, and requests the honour of 



142 QUALITY STREET [act 

their presence at the nuptialc of her sister 
Phoebe and Captain Valentine Brown.' 

phoebe. Susan ! 

miss susan. Phoebe ! (A door is heard 
banging.) He has returned ! 

phoebe. Oh cruel, cruel. Susan, I am so 
alarmed. 

miss susan. I will face him. 

phoebe. Nay, if it must be, I will. 

(But when he enters he is not very terrible.) 

valentine. Miss Phoebe, it is not raining, 
but your face is wet. I wish always to kiss you 
when your face is wet. 

phoebe. Susan ! 

valentine. Miss Livvy will never trouble 
you any more, Miss Susan. I have sent her 
home. 

miss susan. Oh, sir, how can you invent such 
a story for us. 

valentine. I did not. I invented it for the 
Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta, who 
from their windows watched me put her into my 
carriage. Patty accompanies her, and in a few 
hours Patty will return alone. 



iv.] QUALITY STREET 143 

miss susan. Phoebe, he has got rid of 
Livvy ! 

phoebe. Susan, his face hasn't changed ! 

valentine. Dear Phoebe Throssel, will you 
be Phoebe Brown ? 

phoebe {quivering). You know everything? 
And that I am not a garden ? 

valentine. I know everything, ma'am — 
except that. 

phoebe (so very glad to be prim at the end). 
Sir, the dictates of my heart enjoin me to accept 
your too flattering offer. (He puts her cap in his 
pocket. He kisses her. miss susan is about 
to steal away.) Oh, sir, Susan also. {He kisses 
miss susan also; and here we bid them good-bye.) 

The End. 






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